This
by PanicButton
Summary: This is what happened after Scarecrow.  Floyd has messed with Reid's mind. Plz read Scarecrow first. Enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

This

**A/N Previously on Criminal Minds: Floyd messed with Reid's head in Scarecrow. ****THIS**** is what happened next.**

**Please read ****Scarecrow**** first or you will not understand what is going on. Thank you !!!**

Criminal Minds isn't mine: all original characters belong to PanicButton.

_Where there is love there is life – Mahatma Ghandi_

He looked up from the bottomless pit of despair and cried out. There was nothing left. He felt empty and devoid of all he knew he should be. He reached out blindly and felt fingers brush his own and desperately he grabbed and held. The other hand wound its fingers around his and held him there with a strong grasp with calloused hands.

His soul was screaming. The empty place he had inside was filling with something unfamiliar and painful. With lust and hate. Something so unknown he thought it was death. The hand suddenly let go. No, where was it? He reached out feeling for the fingers which had lightly brushed his but they had gone. He curled up foetal on the floor and waited for the end.

…….

Hotch had called out for Reid and when he got no answer he had gone to see what he was doing. Always in the back of his mind was the fear of drugs and the fear of Reid's mental health. He knocked gently on the door of the room Reid was staying in at Hotch's house but got no reply. Slowly and aware that Spencer might be sleeping or in the tub he turned the handle and entered the room. No Reid. The bathroom door was swung wide open. No sound of Reid there either. He called out again.

"Spencer?"

Silence.

A knot of fear wrapped itself around Aarons gut as he walked slowly on legs which would hardly move towards the bathroom. Nothing. Thank god nothing. He noted the mirror on the bathroom cabinet was covered in finger prints and smears and he frowned.

"Spencer?" He was calling louder now and he grabbed the phone from next to the bed and made a call.

It rang a few times before a voice answered.

"He's gone – I don't know, I just came to his room to see if he was OK - he isn't in the house – I don't know Jason"

Fear.

Why would he go without saying anything?

"I will call his cell – yes I will do it now from mine" – pause – breathing too heavily, this was fear. "Straight to answer-phone – I will call his house – Oh."

And he put the phone down. Not answering his phone or his cell. Where the hell had he gone? For an innocent walk? For somewhere quiet to kill him self? To get drugs? Too many things it could be. Too many things Hotch dreaded it could be. He scribbled a note and left it on the hall way table.

_Spencer,_

_I have gone looking for you. If you come back here call me – Aaron_

And he left the house to drive around known areas to find Reid. Gideon was going to his apartment.

…………

Floyd sat back on his bed and smiled at the young man laying on the floor outside his cell. He could hear doors opening and footsteps running to his aid. He watched as the guards tried to pull Reid to his feet, but he was not going to help them there. They half dragged him away. Glancing over at the man sitting on his bed who gave a little shrug and licked his lips.

………

When Reid opened his eyes he was laying on a cot in a small room somewhere. He had no idea where he was or why. He tried to sit up but hands held his shoulders and pushed him back down again.

"Just relax Dr Reid."

"Where am I?"

"We are just looking after you until your friend gets here."

He tried to sit up again but again was forced back down.

"Friend? Which friend?" And he pushed the insistent hands off him. "Don't touch me." He hissed.

"Agent Hotchner is coming to get you."

Reid looked puzzled. "He's not my friend. Now if you will just let me go."

"He is your boss though and it is he we called and he who is coming to get you." The man's eyes seemed to almost glow with some kind of hatred.

"Let me GO!" and Reid pushed the man away and walked towards the door.

"There will of course be an investigation. People will want to know what happened."

Reid spun around. "What happened where?"

"With you and Flanders. It's on the monitor. We will find out what he did."

"Nothing happened with me and Flanders. What the hell are you talking about?" He scowled.

The guard stood and looked at Reid. "You had some kind of seizure Dr Reid. It will be investigated. If Flanders can be implicated he will be."

"Flanders didn't touch me. Why can't you mind your own business? Kindly tell Agent Hotchner I couldn't wait for him." He turned to see Hotch standing in the doorway.

"Reid with me please." He commanded.

Reid did something unknown and swore like a trooper at his boss and pushed his way past and down the corridor.

Once outside the building Hotch caught up with Reid and took him by the arm. "Spencer, what's wrong. What happened?"

"Get off me. Don't touch me and don't call me Spencer."

Aaron moved his hand off Reid like he had been burnt.

"You poke and pry and mess with me until I don't know what's going on anymore. I have no life of my own. I need my space Agent Hotchner. Please respect me and back the hell off."

"Reid…………."

"NO! no Agent Hotchner, get out of my life get out of me. Stop manipulating and pushing me. You and Gideon the same. Push push push. I have had it up to here" Indicating forehead with hand, "with your interfering and meddling. I had no childhood, and now you are taking my adulthood from me too. You won't do this to me. Get away from me!" Reid was shouting and spitting in anger.

"Stop acting like a child and I will stop treating you like one. Get in the car now. We need to talk." Aaron was beside himself over what Reid was saying but also could feel something deeper wrong. They had said he had a seizure. This could simply be the after effects of that.

"We can talk here. What is it you want to say? What is it that you can't say in public Agent Hotchner?"

"Reid, give me your badge and gun. Until your actions have been fully investigated I don't think it wise you carry."

Reid took his badge and threw it at Hotch. "Fine! Have it…I was coerced to join the BAU anyway. Funnily enough chasing unsubs and looking at ripped up bodies was not the job I had been considering."

Aaron was unshaken by this diatribe and said "Your gun Reid."

Reid ignored him and started to walk away. "Reid. Now, your gun please."

Gideon pulled up in this car and jumped out while the engine was still running. Hotch looked at Jason and shrugged. "I don't know what's going on." Then to Reid he repeated. "Spencer your gun please."

Reid's gun was out and pointing at Hotch at a speed neither man realised the young agent possessed. "I told you not to call me that. I am NOT your little play thing, stop treating me like one!"

His hands started to shake as he pointed it at his friend and boss. He could feel tears pooling in his eyes ready to explode down his face but his mouth and body wouldn't do what his brain was telling him to do. 'please god take this weapon out of my hands. Help me someone.' He tried to unwind his fingers from around the gun and looked pleadingly at Gideon. 'can't you see this isn't me? Pull me back Jason. I am lost.' And the gun dropped from his fingers to the ground.

Jason was at Reid's side in a flash and kicked the gun over to Hotch. "Spencer? What's going on?"

'help me jason.'

And a deep darkness started to drift over his mind and soul again.

"Pull me back." It was barely a whisper. Just mutterings behind his lips, but Jason heard it. Gideon gave Hotch a worried look who shook his head slowly in reply.

"Spencer, will you get in my car please. Let's go for a ride and a coffee." Jason asked gently.

Reid nodded stiffly and walked slowly to the car, glancing back at Aarons face watching him. Were his eyes beginning to glow? Was there something wrong with his face? Was that really Hotch? Without being able to stop what he was doing he walked away from Jason's car and over to Hotch 'someone stop me!' and spat in his face.

………………

**A/N that is part one. Shall I carry on? Let me know plz!!! Thank you :c)**


	2. Chapter 2 And That

And That

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds isn't mine.

Gideon took Reid back to his apartment and noted the total silence on the journey. He noted the way Reid stared directly ahead of him. He noted the still hands resting on his lap and he noted the small tear running down Reid's face. When they got to Jason's apartment he parked up and went round and opened up Reid's door. He just sat and stared. Gideon hesitated in touching him right now so he said his name.

"Reid, we are here." Very very slowly Reid turned his head to look at Jason. It was like he was having to fight some impulse to not look. For a fleeting second Reid's eyes looked dead then a look of pure terror took its place. Gideon tentatively reached out for Spencer with his hand. Just gently on Reid's shoulder. He yelped almost like a wild animal and flinched back from the contact but his eyes were pleading for help.

"I won't hurt you Spencer. You know I would never hurt you."

It looked like was going to say something, but held it back and slowly got out of the car. He stood and looked around as if he had never been there before.

Jason led the way up to his door and unlocked and turned off the alarm. Spencer followed him in and just stood in the hallway.

"Coffee?" Jason offered walking to the kitchen area.

"No. Something stronger." His voice was low and croaky. He sounded wrong somehow. He could see it was Reid, but he wasn't acting like Reid or talking like Reid.

"OK what would you like?" And he walked over to the drinks cabinet on the back wall.

"Whisky."

He still just stood in the hallway.

"Spencer you can come in you know. How do you want this?"

"Uh hu – straight." He just stood and watched Gideon. Jason was beginning to feel very uncomfortable. He lifted the tumbler up for Reid, but didn't take it to him. He had never seen Spencer drink spirits before. He was thinking there was a lot about Dr Reid he didn't know. Things he should know. Things Reid was hiding behind that intelligence. He put the drink down on the side and left it for Reid to take when he was ready.

"So Spencer, what happened between you and Hotch?"

"That's not your business Gideon." A low hiss of a voice.

"I am trying to help y……………….."

"I don't want your help. Leave me alone. Get out of my life. Stop manipulating me to be how you wish you were. I am not you. I will never be you. I am me so let me live being me."

"Spen………."

"Don't call me Spencer."

Gideon put up his hands in a sign of defeat and moved over to his music system and put on something quiet and relaxing. Reid just stood and watched.

"Join me. Just for a chat. A game of chess."

"I don't want to talk to you and I don't play chess." He turned and started to walk back towards the door as a tear tracked its way down his face.

"Reid? What's wrong? Please talk to me." Jason moved a few steps closer to Reid but was afraid he would appear threatening so moved slowly and cautiously. Reid reached the door and stood with his back to it. He mouthed something to Gideon. If he has said it, it was too quiet for him to hear, but his mouth said 'help me' as he slid down the door and sat with his knees drawn up close and his arms wrapped around them. Jason sat on the floor in front of Reid and put a hand out to him. He still didn't touch. He would leave that for when Reid could. It took a long time. He watched Reid's face as some inner turmoil span and tried to eat him away. Slowly Reid's hand moved forwards. Gideon could see that the effort was making the man he thought of as a son tremble. He wanted to just move over and hold him, but he knew this would not help Reid. That would only help himself and he had a feeling that people had been helping themselves to Spencer for a long time now in one way or another.

Words span in Jason's mind 'I always take advantage of Reid for his mind.'

How many of them did that. How many times a day did they all look at Reid for some statistic or another. How many times did they look amused rather than impressed? How much advantage had been taken of Reid?

And as he sat and thought these things something gently brushed his fingers. He looked down at Reid's hand and the bitten fingernails and the split skin on his knuckles. Those hands which had once been so delicate and white. Now abused. Jason watched Reid's shaking hand move like a butterfly over his and land softly. Gideon was afraid to move in case he scared it away. They both just sat and looked. Neither man said anything. Gradually Jason moved his hand so he could clasp Reid's in his. Spencer's hands were ice cold. He could see his nails were turning blue. He looked up at Reid's face as he opened his mouth as though to say something and just sat with his mouth slightly open his hand suddenly limp.

…………

They inspected the monitors and sent copied for Garcia to look at closer. Hotch joined her as they watched Reid standing talking to Flanders.

"Why did he go there? I don't understand." Garcia looked to her boss for answers.

"I don't know." Hotch wasn't going to get into the complexities of all of this with the tech.

"But he reaches out for that scum bag. Why?" and Garcia froze the frame where their fingers joined. "And when Reid is on the floor he does it again. What's he playing at?" but when Garcia looked up Hotch was gone.

……….

"Reid I am going to get you that coffee. It will warm your hands at least. Come with me." And as he started to stand he gently guided Reid up off the floor with one hand and locked the door with the other. The two of them walked slowly to the kitchen area still holding hands. Reid stared at their hands and tried to bend his fingers to hold Gideon's but though he brain wanted him to, his body denied him.

"Gideon?" That was Reid's voice. Quiet and almost afraid sounding, yet still Reid's "I remember what he did to me."

Jason looked at Spencer and nodded. "It will come back to you Spencer. Give it time."

"I remember it all." And that damned tear down his cheek again.

"Flanders is a sick very intelligent man Spencer. It wasn't your fault."

"No, not Flanders. Hotch." And Reid was shaking.

"Hotch? What are you talking about Reid?" Gideon held tighter onto Reid's hand afraid if he let go Reid would run from him. "Talk to me Spencer." And with his other hand he offered the mug of hot coffee.

Gideon could almost see something float across Reid's eyes, as though something was watching from inside his head. The mug flew from Gideon's hand as Spencer swept it aside. "I don't want coffee. I told you that. And stop calling me Sp Sp Sp Spencer!"

………..

Hotch was walking down a corridor on his way to talk to Flanders. He needed to find out exactly it was he had done when he touched Reid. The security door in front of him slid aside and let him in. It closed smoothly without a sound at his back.

Flanders was standing at the bars waiting for him.

"Thought you would be back." And he was smiling at the frowning face of Aaron Hotchner.

"Tell me what you did to him." Hotch stood back a long way out of the man's reach.

"Nothing. He seized." And he was running his hands up and down the bars in an almost lustful way running his tongue over his lips.

"Tell me why he came to see you."

"He needs me."

"No, he doesn't. He needs the opposite. He needs you to leave him alone."

"And you know this because? Agent Hotchner he came to see me. He needs me. He wants me."

"What did you do to him when you touched him."

"Nothing more than you ever did Agent Aaron Hotchner!" For a second Hotch didn't understand what Floyd was saying then the blood drained from his face and he just stared at the man with the hair.

"You son of a bitch." Hotch growled at him. "What did you do?"

"Well if you are going to be rude I think I will stop this discussion now." And Floyd turned to go back to his bed at the side of the room.

"Tell me what you did."

"The problem is," he still had his back to the agent. "that I did so much to him that I no longer know where to start." And he sat down crossed his legs then looked over at Aaron and smiled.

"Here when he came to see you, what did you do to him?"

"Nothing and you know full well I did nothing. I could have, but I didn't. Why would I want to hurt Spencer? Besides that's starting at the end. Don't you want me to start at the beginning? Do you want all the gory details? You will never look at your boy in the same light again. Believe me. I know I wont."

"I just need to know what you did to him here. What is the control you have over him? Why did he come to see you? What did he want?"

"Ask him yourself and Agent Aaron Hotchner. I might be more inclined to have a longer chat with you if I had something to smoke. I am sure you know my brand by now. This talk is over." And he lay down on his bed with his hands under his head and closed his eyes. "Goodbye."

…………..


	3. Chapter 3 Sliding

Sliding

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds isn't mine

Get out.

Get out.

Get out.

He will twist and pervert your thoughts against everything.

Get out.

They are using you.

You will end up in a hospital again.

They look at you and see your mum.

Avoid eye contact.

Be careful what you say.

Don't talk. Don't let them in. Don't let him in.

Get out.

…………

Reid suddenly pulled away from Gideon and turned back to the door. His escape. Locked. Of course he had locked it. A prisoner. Not permitted to grow to be. Just moulded and shaped to suit. 'no don't play with your friends. Stay and I will read. Stay with your sick mother. Be like me.' Or there is the 'no don't be who you are or what you want to be. Be like us. Socialise. Have fun. Look normal. Then you laugh at me!'

"Unlock – unlock the d d d door." He stuttered and stammered over his words. Gideon knew how to make someone stammer. He knew how to make him nervous. He knew how to make him look stupid. "Are you afraid of me Gideon? Are you scared of my mind?"

"Reid, calm down. Where do you need to go? I will drive you."

Reid was fiddling and pulling at the many locks on the doors. "I don't need a baby sitter. Let me go."

"Let me make a phone call. I will get you some help." Gideon made his way to the telephone on the side table as Reid finally made the lock open and he swung open the door.

"I am not sick Gideon. I have just awoken from a long sleep. This is me." And he walked out.

Gideon had two choices open to him now. Go and chase Reid down like a naughty child, or leave him to pull himself together alone. He hated the thought of Spencer being out there alone in the state he was in, but hospital was not the answer either. Grabbing a coat and making sure he had his cell with him, Gideon left his apartment and followed Reid.

………

Hotch was back at the BAU wondering what the hell had happened and what the hell was going on. How had everything fallen apart so quickly and easily? How had they let it happen? Why the hell was Reid carrying when he was still so unstable? What had he done to Reid that had caused him to react the way he did to him? He thought of his empty house and of Haley and Jack and then looked around the bull pen at the faces that never looked his way. This job, this place was destroying him. It was destroying Gideon, it had destroyed Elle. This was the second time it had ripped Reid apart. Why did he feel he needed this job when he could see everything around him was dying.

His phone rang. It was Gideon.

"What is it about him and keep running off?" Gideon was following him for now but if he knew Reid and he used to think he did, he will know Gideon is there.

………………..

Reid walked quickly down the road towards the traffic and the busy roads in the town. He needed to go to his apartment. Gideon was following. He could confront him and force him to back off, or just let him follow.

He needed to get a cab, but had no money on him. He spun on the spot and walked towards Gideon. Jason saw him coming and stood still waiting to see what was going to happen. The very last thing he wanted to do was to hurt him.

Reid put his hand out to Jason. "I need money for a cab." A demand.

Gideon shook his head. "I said I would drive you. Walk back with me to the car. I will take you wherever you need to go."

Reid's face took on a pensive look. "Car keys or money." Gideon shook his head again.

"No Spencer. I will take you wherever you need to go, but you wont stand in the street and try to mug me."

Reid stood closer. So close that lips nearly touched. "Don't call me Spencer." Then he moved back with Jason's wallet in his hand. "Thank you." And walked towards a cab. He removed the money and dropped Gideon's wallet behind him.

Gideon picked his wallet up off the sidewalk and let Reid go. There was nothing he could do to help him here.

…………

Reid fairly flew into his small book clad apartment and ran for the telephone. He hit his speed dial and waited.

"JJ I need to talk to you."

"Spence? What's going on? Where are you?"

"JJ please just listen."

"Spence! Let me come to you. Where are you?"

"JJ…I am so sorry. I am going away for a while. I need to get my head together."

"Away where Spence? We are all so worried. Please let me come to you."

"JJ I don't trust myself. Stay away from me. I need to be on my own for a while."

"I think you need a friend, let me come with you."

Silence.

"Spence?"

"I need to be alone. I will contact you." And a big sigh as he cut the connection and returned the receiver with shaking hands.

………

Reid contemplated taking his car, but they would try to trace him with it. He left his apartment with his messenger bag over his shoulder and walked to the ATM and drew out as much cash as he could. Then with a last look around him walked to the train station.

He was muttering and mumbling to himself quietly under his breath. He kept stopping and looking around. He felt like he was being followed but he couldn't see anything or anyone so he kept walking to the station 'ok I am on my way. I said I would. I am I am I am. I am coming.'

Reid caught a train out of town and towards the west coast. He sat and pulled himself tightly together wrapping his arms around him and stared out of the window.

…..

Flanders was escorted out of his cell and into an interrogation room. Hotch and Morgan waited as he was attached to the floor by his hand and foot cuffs.

He looked over at the BAU members and raised an eyebrow. "Don't you boys ever give up? Do you have my smokes? I won't talk to you until I have them."

Morgan leaned forwards across the table. "No smokes. No anything until you tell us what the hell you did you son of a bitch."

"I wasn't talking to you dog." And Floyd turned to look at Hotch. "Was he pissed with you? I know he was! That is so tragic. You were his friend. Were you not meant to be looking after him? You make me sick."

"I don't know what you think I did to Reid, but you are very mistaken. Now what we need to know is what you did to him."

"Tricks of the mind Agent Hotchner. Tricks of the mind. It is truly amazing what a person knows yet chooses to forget."

"Stop talking in riddles Flanders." Morgan was ready to flatten him again.

"So many stupid people. I am surrounded by morons. How am I meant to think with this yabbering going on in my ear? Send your 'friend' away please. He irritates me so."

"What did you do to him?" Hotch asked again

"The same question over and over again. I answer you, and you don't listen. I opened his mind Aaron. I let him see what he had closed off. I let him remember."

"Remember what?" Morgan was scowling.

"What I did. What you did. What they did. What he did. All of them. All that stuff he was keeping hidden. I just let him remember. It is the right thing to do. Keeping stuff hidden like that can do a man damage. Don't you think?"

Morgan and Hotch exchanged glances.

"Well you for one Derek Morgan. I am sure you would rather have forgotten about what happened to you as a child. I am sure my Spencer did too. But in the end it all comes out. It's the way of things."

Hotch grabbed hold of Morgan as he started his leap across the table. "Leave it Morgan. He is just goading us."

………….

Run.

Run.

Get away from them

Come home.

Don't talk to anyone.

They are watching you.

They are listening to you.

They know what you are thinking.

Stay away from them.

Come back to me.

"Be quiet. I won't listen to you. Get out of my head." Spencer hissed to himself.

……………

Reid picked up his cell and pressed speed dial.

"Jason. Help me. I am lost." He whispered.

……………….


	4. Chapter 4 Voice

Voice

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is not mine.

Reid sat and looked at the phone in his trembling hand. The effort it had taken to make the call made his head feel like it was going to split open. He slowly put the phone back to his ear.

"Gideon are you there?"

"Reid can you tell me where you are? I can come to you."

"I don't - I don't know. I am on a train."

"Where are you going?"

"Gideon. Elle knew."

"Elle knows where you are going?"

"No, I don't suppose she knows that."

"Spencer, I don't understand."

"No you don't. Elle knew. Floyd knows. He is there n n n now. I can't – can't get rid of him." His voice was getting quieter and quieter. "I have to go. He's back."

And Reid cut off the line.

………….

Hotch looked over at Gideon. "We are getting no where. We can't spend all our resources making sure Reid is alright. We have Flanders in custody. It's time to move on. I am not going to stand here and tell you I don't care because you all know I do. I just feel Reid needs to sort this himself. We cannot afford to let this distract us from our work." Hotch turned to look at JJ. "You have case for us?"

They all stood and looked at Hotch for a second before clicking back into action. "Yes sir, but we are still going to look for him?"

"JJ can we go over this new case please. We will talk about what to do with Reid at a more appropriate time. We can safely assume he is not part of the team at the moment. Leave it there." Hotch's face was not showing what he was feeling. His face looked sad and tired. Haley was coming home again on the promise that Hotch had got rid of Reid. She liked him but if he was going to start acting up she didn't want Jack there but Hotch missed Spencer's company. Even if it was odd and even if it did feel a bit dangerous. He missed Reid.

…………

"Hotch" Gideon said. "I need to make a call. I will be back soon." And he got up and left the meeting to return to his own office.

He flipped through the address book he took from the drawer and found the phone number he was looking for. He punched the number in and waited.

"Hello?" Said a familiar voice.

"Elle, its Gideon. I need your help."

"Gideon, I am really busy, sorry. I can't talk now."

"It's Reid."

"Reid? What's happened?"

"He said you knew something."

"Knew something? Gideon what has happened to Reid?"

"I just need to know. Did he tell you something? Something about himself or his mental health? His childhood? Anything out of the ordinary."

There was silence for a while and Gideon could hear Elle's breath catch.

"He said something once. A while back. The time the unsub held us hostage on the train. He said he used to hear voices in his head. That they helped him, but he told me after that he was just playing along. I was never sure what part of the story was a lie."

"Thank you Elle."

"Jason. Is he alright?"

"I don't know Elle." And he hung up.

………….

Reid stood and shakily started the what seemed enormous task of locating the men's room on the train. He was going to be sick. He could feel the coffee and chocolate cake he had devoured a few hours ago climbing its way back up into his throat. He pushed his way by a woman with a buggy "Excuse me" he mumbled holding his hand over his mouth in fear of vomiting over her child and made his way through the small door. He locked the door and knelt on the floor and brought up all the had eaten and all he hadn't.

Leave me alone.

I don't want to run.

They are my friends.

You wouldn't know.

I need them, not you.

They won't hurt me.

Or abuse me.

Let me go. This is over.

And sobbing from deep inside he watched as he threw his phone down the toilet with his stomach contents.

I needed that.

Please leave me alone.

Reid sat on the men's room floor until the train arrived at its final destination.

……..

Spencer walked on slow tired legs down the dusty road towards a small hotel he had seen when he had been here before. He was mumbling to himself and every now and then would stop to look behind him then carry on the walk. The hotel reception was bright and cheery and the young woman on the reception desk was smart and Reid supposed pretty. He booked a room for himself and she turned the guest book towards him.

"If you don't mind just signing in Mr…………………?

"Flanders."

Why did he just say that?

And his hand moved with the pen as he signed in as the man who was inside his head.

He was shown up to his room. It was small but was good for what he needed. He closed the drapes and then took something from his messenger bag and sat at the small desk.

It was a letter. It had his name on the front. His name. Not Flanders. It said clearly 'Spencer'. He tore it open and began to read it.

I don't want to do this.

Please get out.

Leave me alone.

He sat in the half light and read the letter he had been carrying.

_Spencer,_

_All work no play makes Spencer Reid a dull boy. Come play with me._

_Fascinating as it may seem I do not want to remain in your head._

_Release me Spencer._

_Let me take you to places you only dreamed of._

The rest of the letter was just a list of jumbled words

_Castes off boots love me only in winter._

_Confine my only need to break water and swim._

The words went on for pages.

_I love you I love wantneedwantloveneedwantneedwantloveneedwant._

He sat and looked at the pages over and over again until the sounds of birds outside pulled Reid from his trance like state and he walked to the bed and lay down on his stomach and slept.

……….

Jason met with Hotch the next morning.

"I am going to look for him. He asked for my help and I can't just sit back and do nothing Aaron."

"Good. I am glad. Go and find him and bring him home." Hotch shuffled through his paperwork "If you can."

"Aaron." Gideon waited for Hotch to stop fiddling and look at him. "Did something happen between the two of you? What is he so angry with you about?"

Aaron just shook his head. "Jason, nothing happened which shouldn't have. I have no idea what he was talking about either." And he went back to fiddling while Jason watched him. "If that is all Jason you better get going. Do you know where to start looking?"

Gideon nodded and left the room. Morgan was standing outside the door and grabbed Gideon's arm as he walked by. "I am coming with you."

"I need to do this alone."

"No you don't. You need to do this with me. We need to go and help him. He spoke to JJ."

"I know."

"Then I am coming with you. I want to see what that son of a bitch has done to our boy. Then I am going back to Flanders and I am going to skin him alive like he tried to do to Reid."

Gideon nodded. "Come on then. They can cover this case without us."

Jason spent the next while informing Derek that he had a jolly good idea where Reid had gone. This was based in the call he had received that morning from transport police who had found his cell and upon investigating it (having a good nose around) they realised that the phone should be returned. No he didn't know at what point in the journey the phone had been submerged but fortunately the cell was water proof and they now at least knew which train Reid had been on. And as it was a fast train there were few places he could have gotten off. Gideon guessed Reid had gone to the end of the line.

Now it was their turn.

…….

Reid woke up with a stonking headache and a need to drink as much water as he could. He glanced over at the letter he had read the previous evening and smiled at it. He walked to the small bathroom and stood looking in the mirror.

"Where to then? If you insist on being there at least talk to me. Let me know your plan."

And he stood at the mirror, occasionally touching it gently and running his fingers down the glass.

You have me now.

Don't hide.

Tell me what you want.

He suddenly leaned forwards so his lips where nearly touching the glass and breathed out to form a light mist.

**HELP ME**

He scribed in the fog

Then he turned and left the room. His messenger bag still on the floor where he had left it.

…………..


	5. Chapter 5 Transport

Transport

**A/N Chapter is a bit short maybe…but it needed to finish where it has. More to follow soon**

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is not mine.

Road blocks had been set up. Police cars were everywhere. A few SUVs stood at the side of the road. The flashing of the emergency lights reflected off every surface.

EMT's were transporting victims to the ambulances and the police stood and stared at the carnage. Fire trucks had arrived to attempt to drag things up from the steep bank they were peering down. The noise was deafening the smell made you want to vomit, but this wasn't a situation you could just ignore and walk away from.

Some people had guns out. Some people were crying. Some people were screaming in pain at their injuries or their misfortunes. Some sat in the road with bandages around their heads, and still the smell, and it was a smell Hotch and Prentiss recognised as they looked down at the police transport van burning as it rested against a tree. It was the over powering smell of death. Old death. Something vile and rotten. They knew that smell.

Prentiss pulled her eyes from the scene and looked at Hotch. The flames were reflecting in his dark eyes. "What the hell happened?" she said, her voice shaking.

Hotch shook his head. "The CSU is on its way. We will know more then. They are still trying to get a body count."

"Flanders?"

"No sign on him." And Hotch walked slowly back to his SUV.

……….

Reid was walking. He had the direction somewhere in his head and was heading towards it. It was a lightly wooded area which eventually let out into corn fields.

He walked slowly.

I don't want to do this.

And slowly he turned around and looked behind him.

Please leave me alone.

Then turned back and resumed his walk.

Reid walked for over an hour until he came to a small village. There was a not very busy road and a few shops. What looked to be a church at the end of the dusty road. Reid walked towards what looked like a hardware store. It was small and cramped with things hanging off the walls and racks of 'things' everywhere. He checked his pocket for some money and walked to a wall with different climbing and camping equipment displayed on it. He picked up a length of blue sturdy nylon rope and took it to the counter. The price was hanging off it on a bright orange tag. He pulled it off and gave to the dusty man behind the counter with the money.

"Hiking or camping?" the old white haired man said.

"Neither. Unfinished business."

And he walked out again and started back the way he came with the rope slung over his shoulder in a loop.

Please don't make me do this.

I don't want you in my head anymore.

This isn't what I want to do.

I won't do it.

And he dropped the rope to the ground and stood looking at it.

You can't make me do this

Get out of my head.

I told you to leave me alone.

But he bent down and picked the rope up and put it back over his shoulder.

Very well.

You can't force me to do this.

And he carried on his long walk back the way he came muttering to himself.

…………….

Floyd pulled the body of the young man to one side and quickly removed his clothing and then pulled the clothing over the top of the prison hospital garb he had on and started to walk into the woods.

You do want to do it.

And I can force you.

I won't leave you Spencer.

You need me.

I want you.

If I cant have you.

No one will.

Pick it up and keep walking.

I will be there before nightfall.

You need to be ready.

Spence.

I am not leaving you.

………..

When Reid finally made it back to the hotel it was getting dark. He was exhausted and dirty. He just wanted to……..he just wanted to……no!

Get out of my head.

Reid made his way to the reception desk.

"Phone." He said. The words coming out of his mouth like he was finding it almost impossible to talk.

The man at reception raised an eyebrow at Reid then slid the phone over to him. Spencer slammed some coins on the counter. His eyes seemed unfocused and the man behind the desk assumed he was drunk. Reid thumped in some numbers onto the keypad and held the receiver to his ear.

It rang three times then he heard a voice.

"Gideon."

"Culver Hotel." Was all he managed to say before his back arched and he fell back onto the floor still holding the phone in his hand.

The receptionist ran out from behind the counter and just stood and watched. Reid wasn't seizing but just laying there his breathing heavy and laboured.

"Christ mate, you ok?" he guy said. He pulled the phone from his grasp and spoke into the receiver.

"Hello? – Yes – he sorta fainted. – yes – yes – one minute – Flanders – erm – skinny six footish, brown wavy hair – erm yes – cords, shirt and sweater vest – oh – yes – I will." And he gave the address of the hotel.

Then he replaced the receiver.

………

It had been a hard fast journey. They managed to get the jet across then a drive down to where they thought Reid might be heading then got the call. Reid had tried to tell them again where he was and ask for help. This was good. This meant things were all recoverable. Morgan was fit ready to get out of the car and run there, and Gideon put his foot on the gas and stepped up the speed to get them to the small backwater hotel Reid had found.

………

The man helped a stunned looking Reid up to his feet and escorted him to his room.

"Take off our shoes and lay down I would." The man suggested.

"I I I will be f f f fine. Thank you."

And Reid kicked off his shoes and sat on the edge of the bed. He took the rope and lay it across his lap.

"You going to be alright?" He looked bothered by the look on Reid's face and the rope he was gently stroking.

Reid just nodded, so the man left and closed the door gently.

Leave me.

I don't need you.

I don't want you.

You can't make me do this!

_Yes I can._

_And yes I will. So you can get up and get ready._

_Write a goodbye letter Spencer._

No.

_Quickly before they get there._

And Reid went to the small desk and took some hotel paper and a pen and wrote in his careful handwriting.

_It was all too much. They wouldn't leave me alone. I am sorry. Forgive me._

_Spencer._

And he propped it up on the desk next to the table lamp.

I don't want to.

Please don't do this to me.

_You denied me Spencer._

_You ignored me._

_You pushed me aside._

_Now you pay._

_I won't let them hurt you again._

They didn't hurt me.

_Aaron hurt you._

No, no he didn't.

And when Reid looked and he was standing in the small bathroom. Throwing the rope over the shower head and pulling it to make sure it wouldn't break. He checked the length and with a sigh stood on the edge of the tub…………………..

………

The SUV pulled up in the car park and Derek and Jason leapt out and ran in the main doors. The receptionist stood and smiled.

"Can I help you?"

"What room? Quickly. NOW!" Gideon was shouting.

………..

_That's it!_

_Well done Spence._

………………………………


	6. Chapter 6 Need

Need

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is not mine.

I can't breathe.

I can't see.

No

Not like this.

Hands scrabbling trying to pull it away.

Feet slipping. No grip on the shiny white surfaces. Nowhere for the miss-matched socks (one green one red/white stripes.) to stand back on to.

Spinning in his head. Voice so loud he could feel Floyd's warm breath whispering across his ear.

Why?

'_Cos you're mine_

Then why this?

_You know why._

Hotch.

_I loved you. I cared for you._

This isn't love.

_You are mine._

Then why this?

_This is pure._

I don't……………….

And finally the voice stopped. Finally after all this time his head was empty. His feet stopped trying to find a purchase, and his hands fell to his side. Peace at last.

…………..

Floyd flagged down the car, then took the car from the beaten corpse laying in the ditch and drove the little very fast red car over the state lines on his journey west.

This is pure.

I don't care if you want me.

You are mine anyhow.

…………

Gideon and Morgan hurtled up the stairs with the room number and direction screaming in their ears. They had no idea what they were going to find. They just knew it was going to be wrong. Morgan was ready to kick the door in, but Jason stopped him.

"Reid?" He hammered on the door. No answer. He stood back for Morgan. The door opened with a splitting thud to reveal Reid's room. Both men took in the scene before them. Messenger bag on the floor. Desk. Propped up letter. Closed bathroom door. No Reid. Shoes next to the bin. Kicked there. Not carefully placed. Wrong…everything so wrong.

Jason tried the bathroom door. Locked. Silence. Nothing.

Hammering on the door. "Reid! Open the door!" Nothing. A shoulder at the door from Derek and it popped open.

Small white bathroom. Curtain pulled around the tub. A tap dripping water into the basin. A soft noise – a sigh - or was it their imaginations? Gideon stepped forwards. His hands shaking. He grabbed the edge of the shower curtain to pull it back. Morgan walked slowly forwards.

"Reid?" he said softly and pulled the curtain open.

………..

People react in different way to tragedy and pain. Some are frozen in shock. Some want to curl up and scream. Some spring into action. Morgan and Gideon fitted into latter category. Morgan was in the tub and holding his friend to take the weight off the thing digging into his neck. Gideon bounded to the side of the tub with a small knife snatched from his pocket in his hand cutting through the blue nylon rope. Neither man said anything. There didn't seem to be a need to talk. To discuss what they were doing to their friend, to the man Gideon thought of as a son.

Morgan started to carry Reid from the cold white room, whilst Gideon pulled and cut at the coil of rope around Spencer's neck. A gasp? A soft low noise?

Derek laid Reid on his back on the bed. He was still breathing. His chest was rising and falling. His eyes locked onto Gideon's. Spencer's hands moved in a panicky movement to his neck where they tore and scrabbled at an invisible noose.

Everything so dark.

Everything over.

Everything the same.

Nothing ever changes.

_Good!_

Lips moving trying to say something.

_Tell me what you have learned._

Someone looking at him. Familiar faces watching him. Waiting for him to get it wrong again. Always wrong. Always being watched and talked about. Never able to get it quite right.

Morgan ran to get some ice chips while Jason sat on the bed next to Reid and gently stroked his forehead.

"Spencer." Was all he managed to say before his throat closed with grief for what this young man must have been going through for it to have gone this far.

Help me.

_I am on my way._

I am sorry.

_Get rid of them. I need you alone._

Spencer slapped Jason's fussing hands away from him. "No" he mouthed. Reid tried to sit up, but the shooting pains in his neck throat and head forced him back down onto his back. Morgan stood, ice melting in his hands looking at the letter and the note left on Reid's small hotel desk. He pulled gloves over his hands and picked them up frowning at them.

"Gideon there is something very wrong going on here." He showed the letters to Gideon who looked and frowned also as he peered at the goodbye note Reid had recently written.

"That's not Reid's handwriting." He stated.

"But this is." And Morgan showed Jason the other strange letter which seemed to have been sent to Reid by someone, but was in actuality written in Reid's own hand.

Jason looked down at Reid. "Who did this to you?"

Mind screaming.

A slow shake of the head. Too painful. Keep still.

"Hotch."

I didn't want to say that.

Stop putting words into my mouth.

Leave Aaron out of this.

_First name terms?_

Just stop it.

I will get rid of them.

Leave Aaron out of this.

He didn't hurt me.

_He would have._

"Leave me alone." And very slowly Reid turned onto his side and pulled his knees up tight and hugged himself.

………

Morgan pulled out his cell and made a call to Hotch.

"We found him – no it's not good – I don't know Hotch – maybe you should get down here – He wants to be alone – What the hell? – When? – Yes bad cell reception on the way over – Yes. I will let Gideon know."

"Where is he?" small faint hurt voice coming from Reid.

"Who do you want Spencer?" Jason's soft voice.

Morgan stood and looked at his friend. "Are you asking about Flanders? Is he on the way here?"

Gideon's head shot around to look at Morgan. "What happened? He escaped?"

"It's all good. It gives me the chance to find the son of a bitch and string him up. We need to get Reid to the hospital."

"No. I am fine." Croaky broken whisper.

"Reid man! You are not fine. You are so far away from fine that fine is on a different planet"

"Please, can't you just leave me alone?" Small shaken hurt voice.

"Are you aware of what just went on there Reid?" Morgan was getting cross with this temperamental version of Reid. He wanted the old Reid back. The Reid he can tease. The Reid spouting facts. He needed his friend back. "We travel half way across the country to save your scrawny arse and you tell us to go away?"

"Get out." The voice of someone in deep pain.

Jason moved to touch Reid's sore neck but pulled his hand back afraid that his touch would upset Reid again. "You need to get yourself looked at."

"Please, I need to sleep." In pain and damaged.

………….

_Have they gone yet?_

Can't talk to you now.

_Tell them to go._

I have. They won't leave.

Reid was muttering to himself.

_They will leave when I get there._

I don't know.

_It wasn't a question._

How long?

_Sleep._

I don't want to sleep. They are watching me.

_Don't worry about them. I will sort it. I am on my way. Relax, sleep, repair._

OK.

……….

Morgan and Gideon took up their watch on Reid. They were not going to let him out of their sight, but somehow Reid just seemed to be able to keep getting away and doing his thing.

They sat and listened to his mumblings, but his voice was so faint and hurt they could hardly make anything out.

"What's he saying Gideon?"

Shake of the head. "I don't know Derek.

……..

The next couple of days saw the three of them spending a lot of time just staring at each other. Reid had no intention of explaining his actions to them. They were not going to ask. It was almost like it never happened: except for the awful bruising around Spencer's neck you would think it hadn't.

Reid watched them and muttered and mumbled under his breath. His face set in a kitten scowl.

Morgan sat and tried to talk to him but Reid acted like he couldn't hear him, or didn't want to hear what he was saying.

Gideon tried again with chess.

"I don't play chess."

Was all Reid would say.

He wouldn't eat, and he would only drink water, and he was followed everywhere he went. Reid was not having to be watched washing, as he seemed to have given up on this task. He did shave though and he would stand for long hours looking in the mirror, his mouth moving, and muttering.

On the third day Spencer was staring in the mirror as Jason and Derek had a game of cards.

"He's here. Jason, Derek, he is here. You have to go now."

………………..


	7. Chapter 7 Together

Together

**A/N Once again…very unsure…plz be honest with me here. I can take the chapter down again.**

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is not mine.

With a big sigh Reid started to walk towards the door.

"Reid? Where are you going?" Morgan tried to intercept.

" I I t t t told you – I told you – h h he's here." His stammering when nervous or over excited was blowing up in his face right now. Hopefully they will think it nerves and not excitement!

He walked out of the hotel room with Morgan in front of him and Jason behind. He had been their prisoner for the past few days. Now time to get away from them and be with who he needed to be with. He left his messenger bag on the floor and just walked as calmly as he could.

I'm coming.

_Are they with you?_

I won't hurt them.

_And I won't ask you to._

They will kill you.

_No they won't._

What do you need me to do?

_Take Morgan's gun._

How?

_I am sure you will find a way._

_Make sure he doesn't know._

They walked down the stairs. "You don't need to follow me."

"I am going to kill that son of a bitch Reid….so help me."

They walked out to reception area. Then out to the parking lot. Morgan and Gideon looking around for who Reid was expecting.

"Erm Guys. Thank you but I need to do this alone now." And he did something very unexpected for Reid and turned and put his arms around Morgan and said again in his ear. "Thank your for everything." And his fingers gently took Morgan's gun from him and slid it into his jacket pocket. He then walked to Gideon and carefully repeated the process but Gideon noted the sudden loss.

"Reid! Morgan!"

No!

And the gun was out of his pocket and it was rising in his hand. It swung around to point at Morgan then Jason, then back at himself.

No! You can't do this!

_Come to me._

The gun was pressed firmly to his temple.

_Come to me Spence._

_Tell them to back off. _

_They know you will do it._

_They know I will make you._

_Tell them to back off._

_I wont be taken by them._

"Back off."

"Reid for chirst's sake! What are you playing at man?"

"Back off. I know you care about me Derek, Jason, I know you do. So just leave me be now. I am going. But if you try to stop me, I will finish it right here."

_Well done._

I don't want to do this!

_Just come to me._

_They wont stop you._

"Spencer put the gun down."

"Gideon, don't call me Spencer!" Shouting in a scared voice.

I can't do this.

_Sure you can. Come to me._

_Tell them to back off. _

_Tell them to go inside_

"Turn around and go back inside. Let me go."

A car pulled into the parking lot. Small and red. It pulled up next to Reid and the passenger door opened.

_Get in._

And Reid slid in the car next to Floyd and smiled at him.

"Well done Spence. You did good."

And the car sped off out of the lot and down the road. Gideon's gun lay on the tarmac. Reid still had Morgan's. The two FBI agents ran for the SUV, Gideon picking his weapon up as they hurtled to their vehicle. Morgan got there first and jumped into the driver's seat and fired the engine. Nothing. Dead.

"Damn him Gideon! How can you sit there and be so calm! He's gonna kill Reid."

"No, I don't think he will." And Gideon pulled out his cell to call for back up and road blocks. "You let him take your weapon Morgan. He disarmed you."

"Hell! Don't you think I know that!" punching the steering wheel in frustration.

………..

"We can't stay in this vehicle. They will be looking for it." Reid was looking out of the side window.

"Let them. I have another waiting." And as they rounded the corner Flanders slowed the small red car and pulled in behind a black van with tinted windows. "I had this ready. Much better for us I believe."

"Where did you get it?" Reid opened the car door and walked slowly towards the van.

"You don't need details." And Floyd grinned. "Get in the van and wait for me. I will be a few minutes."

Floyd then manoeuvred the car so it was pointing at the wooded area to the side of the road. Pulled something from the undergrowth and put it in the drivers seat …Then did the same to the to the passenger side. He pushed the car into the undergrowth then got a container out of the back of the van.

"Not much longer." He said to Reid.

He poured the contents onto the small red car, and with a lighter from his pocket set the car alight. It went up in a huge whoosh of heat and smoke. Floyd rushed back to the van and fired it up. "Let's go."

"Did you just do what I think you did?" Spencer asked looking a bit worried.

"It's all going to be OK Spence. You don't need to know." And they drove off together. The flames reflecting in the wing mirrors.

……

Night fall saw them still driving, slowly now down an old dirt track in the winding forest. Eventually Floyd pulled over. They had sat in silence together for the past hours. Now Floyd turned to Reid and studied the younger mans face.

"Thank you." He said quietly.

Spencer turned to look back at him. Eyes locking briefly he leaned forward and put his hands on Floyd's shoulders and put his lips to his companion's ear.

Floyd could feel Spencer's hot breath as he said "Thank you too." His lips gently brushing on Floyd's ear. Floyd let a small sigh as turned his head to face Spencer's causing lips to touch. His hands slowly moved up to Spencer's hair were he wound his fingers around the soft locks and held his head in place as he licked his lips. He felt the slight resistance from his friend

"You are mine remember. Don't make me force you Spencer."

I don't want this.

_Yes you do._

This is wrong.

_Why?_

Silence.

_See? You should know I am always right Spence._

…………

They found the car in the ditch at the side of the road. Flames engulfing it. Morgan and Gideon stood and looked at it. They had been told. Two victims. Burned beyond recognition. Dental records would be requested. CSU on their way. Would it have been quick? Probably. Would Reid have resisted Flanders in the end? Likely. A small bit of comfort. Morgan crouched in the dirt.

"I wanted to be the one to do that to him."

"Derek?"

"To Flanders. I wanted to be the one to stop him. But I failed. I let him take my gun Jason. This - " gesturing wildly in front of him "All this is my fault."

"You might still get your chance Derek. We don't know it's them yet. We don't know." But Gideon's face was stricken and pale with shock.

"Oh man Reid…I am so sorry." And Derek got up and walked down the road alone kicking angrily at the stones and dirt, tears burning in his eyes.

……….

They abandoned the van in preference to walking. Neither of minded a walk. The only thing Reid was unsure of now was where they would sleep. It was getting darker the further they walked into the forest. Flanders walked slightly ahead of him humming a tune. At least he seemed content Reid thought. He was still struggling with the turmoil racing around in his head. How can something so wrong feel so right? Why did he feel like he had known Flanders all his life? Why did he need him so much even though everything this man did, everything went against the grain. Polar opposites, yet the same, but so different. One so full of hate and anger, the other? What did Reid really think.

His father abandoned him.

His mother abandoned him.

His friends laughed at him,

Or they mothered him like he was infirm.

Even JJ laughed at him. He would have asked her to comic-con. It would have been fun.

Garcia loved him in her own way, but again more as a protector then an equal.

Was this why Floyd felt so different?

Yes he was protecting him, but for different reasons. Not because they thought he had something wrong with him. Floyd didn't think he was a freak. He understood him.

And Reid needed him. He knew this.

He looked up and saw that he had stopped walking and Floyd was standing looking at him.

"What's wrong?" Flanders looked concerned.

Reid looked and smiled. "Would you - would you come t t t to comic-con with me? If I asked."

……………………


	8. Chapter 8  Letters

Letters

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is not mine.

They stood and watched the black body bags being removed from the burnt out vehicle. Then left. A deep empty hole where life used to live.

They searched Reid's room. He had left nothing unusual behind except for the note, the letter, and his messenger bag. Stuffed inside was screwed up bits of writing paper, all covered in Reid's handwriting, but like the letter, the words were nonsense sentences meaning nothing. There was nothing else. Nothing to explain the weird actions, or to suggest what might have happened in the car. What they needed to do was get the letters to a handwriting expert. 'sigh' they had just lost theirs. They needed to know who had written the goodbye letter for Reid, as it seemed to them not to be Reid's hand at all. The envelope was curious too. The writing on the outside was not Reid's, yet the letter on the inside was definitely his odd style of writing. Instantly recognisable. Maybe that was the problem? Maybe it was being forged. If it was someone will tell them soon.

The burnt remains were taken straight to the coroner who had Reid's dental records already to hand. One of the good things to being an Agent. Results didn't take long. One of them was a male aged between 30 and 40 years. Definitely not Reid. But unknown if it was Flanders. The second body was a male also, aged between 40 and 50 so also definitely not Reid. Dental records were compared to x-rays of the bodies anyway, but it was not, it seemed either of them. The younger of the two was too short, and the elder, well, too old.

This beggared the question: where the hell was Reid and Flanders?

………….

Reid didn't like the dark. He was unimpressed by the idea of sleeping under the stars. He was not happy with the prospect of not even a fire to keep the shadows away. Floyd was insistent. No fire. No light. Get over it boy. Shadows can't hurt you. But Flanders could easily remember the screams of fear when he had locked Spencer in the room in the dark. Yes he remembered it. He had wanted to go and comfort him then, but his princess needed his attention more so. Now there was no princess, and no distractions of letters and codes. Spencer had his full attention.

They sat under a tree and Reid chewed on some gum while Flanders lit up and had a smoke.

"That will kill you." He stated flatly

"I will be gone long before this gets me. Come here. Share."

"Share what? I don't want to smoke those things." He shook his head slowly.

"Then share your gum."

"I I I only had – only had this bit." His hands did a quickly pocket rummage.

"I don't mind sharing."

"Oh! Well you see I do." And he chewed harder.

Floyd lay back and looked up to the tree branches. "Drink? He suddenly asked and threw a small hip flask over to Reid. It fell to the ground next to his left hand so he picked it up and opened it carefully. Spencer frowned.

"I don't really drink."

"Please Spencer. For me. Please. It will keep you warm."

"Uh no. I don't want to get drunk out here in the woods with just you around. No offence Floyd, but you know?"

A big grin spread over Flanders face. "Yes Spence I know. Then sleep, let's get the night over with."

………..

Something had hold of Reid's foot. He tried to pull it away but the fear of pulling his foot off was over-riding the need to escape. The child was there….just in front of him, just out of reach. He scrabbled forwards pulling at his stuck foot. He could feel the breath of something behind him. Something demonic. Something huge, and it was going to trample him and take the child he couldn't reach. He could feel the burning on his back and see the flames reflecting in the child's eyes.

"NO!" he screamed and turned over trying to escape the monster and get to the child. "Go away!!" picking things and throwing them.

Flanders sat and watched the screaming flailing Spencer for a while writhing and scrabbling on the ground then the sobbing and crying for help. He moved slowly to Spencer.

"Spence, wake up." He said softly.

Moaning and whimpering. Tears running down his face.

"Spencer!" and bigger voice, but still not touching.

"Help me!"

Hands on Reid's shoulders. "Spencer wake up!" softly shaking him with a worried face.

A sharp intake of breath and his eyes shoot open and lock on Floyds. "OH GOD!" and deep shuddering sobs. Arms around him pulling him close.

"It's ok Spence. I am here. Nothing can hurt you now." He pulled Spencer's back to his chest and wrapped his arms around the sobbing man. Breathing in the sweet smell of a man coming out of a nightmare, and the overpowering scent of his Spencer.

Morning found them wrapped tightly together on the forest floor. A gentle kiss on the back of the neck brought a smile and a sigh of total contentment.

"Spence?"

"Hmmm?"

"We need to move on. Find food and somewhere safe to stay."

"Uh hu."

………………

They gathered in the local field office with their folders and bits in front of them trying to figure out where the wayward agent would have gone and how Floyd managed to make him so submissive to his demands.

The handwriting. The list of odd stuff was definitely Reid's, but he had addressed it to himself as though he was sending to himself. Except the envelope was definitely not Reid's. Trace could only find Reid's fingerprints on anything. They had no idea if Reid was alive or dead, they had no clues as to where Flanders had taken him.

Morgan was in a right mood and even Garcia couldn't bring a smile to his face this morning.

Hotch walked in the room looking tired and sad. His face betraying his fears. "Anything?"

Shakes of heads. A quiet room full of people in shock and brimming with sadness.

They had lost their youngest. The one they tried to hard to protect. The one they mothered and teased and loved. He had walked away from them with the most vile evil creature any of them had ever had the misfortune to meet.

Morgan wanted to place his boot on Flanders face again, only this time harder. This time he would need it to be final.

Gideon wanted to call his youngest back to him. To feel that by just being was enough to draw Reid back. But it wasn't.

JJ - JJ's eyes swollen and red rimmed. She had not said much at all. She was keeping her feelings of utter despair to herself.

Prentiss look numb. She looked sad. She had never really given Reid a chance. She didn't give him her time. She just thought of him as the kid. The fool…the one who didn't really fit in. The book of interesting and not very interesting facts. She should have given him a chance…and now it seemed too late.

Garcia was joining them via a link up, and she didn't look too happy either…puffy eyes and a red nose and her hair all over the place…..more so than normal.

"He hasn't used his credit card. His phone – he doesn't have that. We are just waiting for him to do something so we can start to track him." But Garcia looked grim.

"Next time I see Flanders I blow his brains out. No questions. If Reid hasn't disarmed me again." Morgan got up and left the room.

……………

"Do you know where we are going?"

"Nuhu…not yet…just walking with you. Taking in the air. It feels good."

"Yes, but you know – you know I don't you know I don't want to erm."

Floyd turned to Reid. "You don't want to what?"

"Be out here all – erm – you know night again." He was picking apart a leaf he pulled off a tree. "I think the whole – you know being in the dark, not the best place for me to be."

Floyd put a hand out to him. "I know. I noticed. Bad dreams huh?"

"Hhhmm…it's the job. We see things." Smile. "Things we shouldn't have to see."

"Did I look after you last night?"

"Oh yes – yes I didn't mean it like that. You know I just get freaked out by the dark."

"Then we will find somewhere good to camp. I might not be able to get you a proper bed, but we can have a fire. How does that sound?"

Reid gripped Floyd's fingers between his. "It sounds like we are staying in the forest again." Raised eyebrows questioning.

Floyd pulled his hand away. "Well if a house with a shower and tub falls out of the sky I will be sure to let you know." And he turned with a smirk on his face and listened to Reid's sigh and his hurried footsteps.

"Sorry."

An arm over Reid's shoulder and a smile.

…………….


	9. Chapter 9 Hurt

Hurt

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is not mine. Flanders is.

Paula and Reggie, old hi-school friends. They married ten years ago and had an eight year old daughter Meg.

Reggie. Tall fair haired and muscular. Paula short in body and hair. Dark in eye and skin. Not very alike in appearance but they both had the same desires and loves. Meg was number one on both of their lists and the outdoors and swimming in the fresh water lake was number two. They all swam, as a family in the summer at the cabin in the forest.

Paula went jogging every morning whilst her ever loving and totally devoted husband cooked up a healthy breakfast.

She was wearing her jogging shoes and her cut off running pants and t-shirt. She had her I-pod stuck firmly in her ears and her braided hair bounced behind her and she jogged along the much run tracks.

He stepped out behind her. He didn't even have to be quiet because of the music pounding in sweet Paula's ears. The smack on the back of her neck was so hard that it broke her neck. She made no noise. Not even a whimper. He dragged her into the undergrowth and made sure she was dead.

The electricity went in the small cabin. The generator must have packed in. Meg was told to stay. Reggie went to the generator shed to check it out. He was a guy who was handy with his hands. He could fix it! The bit of wire which got wrapped around his neck cut so deeply that it sprayed the back wall of the shed. It cut and cut until the head was removed from that taut fit body. Nice.

He watched for Meg. He knew she would leave the cabin eventually. Little girls never did as they were told. Even ones you made yourself. He crouched and watched as she wandered out of the cabin and along to the lake. She looked worried. Let's fix that shall we? Hate to see children upset.

Drowning Meg was easy. Too easy. A disappointment. He stood and looked at the now still water and carried the child away to be with her daddy in the ditch at the back of the cabin. Handy ditch, already dug for him. Looked like vegetables might have been going there…but now father and daughter….rest in pieces.

He walked back to the shed and turned the generator back on then did a quick cell phone sweep of the house.

Spence wanted a bed. He got him one.

Hope he appreciates the trouble this took!

………

Reid was laying face down in the undergrowth. A small blot of blood on the back on his head. Feet had been tightly secured and hands were behind his back and held tightly. It hadn't been necessary but sometimes this Spencer just wouldn't do as he was asked. Floyd had asked him to drink up a brew he had made, and Reid being stubborn annoying and almost childlike refused. Floyd had straddled him and attempted to pour the liquid down Reid's throat. He had held his jaw open with his inhumanly strong hand and the liquid had gone into the squirming mans mouth, but Floyd hadn't been fast enough and Reid had managed to spit some back again. Both men ended up rolling on the forest floor fighting and defending until the small amount which had managed to get into Reid began to weaken him.

"What have you done?" Panic in those huge eyes. Eyes beginning to lose focus. Eyes failing.

"I just want you to relax." Eyes watching sly and cold.

"What – what- F……" Hands reaching for help. Reaching for Flanders.

It was easy now to roll him over and hit him with the object. He needed him silent and still. This is where he left him and this is where he found him again after he had done what he needed. Carefully and quickly he untied his hands and feet and rolled him over. Eyes closed lightly, chest moving with the sleep.

"Spencer, wake up." Low moan and eyes fluttering. "You OK? What the hell happened?" Lies coming so easily as he looked into those huge hazel eyes.

"Get off me!" and scrabbling to get away. Crawling backwards.

"Spence, it's OK. It's only me. You were sleeping I went to have a look around. You were having a nightmare." Soothing voice and soothing hands.

"NO! Don't touch me!" Shouting now and a hand going to the back of his head. "You – you – you hit me!"

"Why the hell would I hit you?"

"My my my head! You attacked me!"

Still keeping a gentle voice inside a screaming hateful head. "No..I didn't, you were having a nightmare Spence you know I wouldn't hurt you." He put out a hand to Reid. "Come walk with me. I have found something nice for you." You ungrateful bastard.

Spencer sat and looked at Floyd for a while before taking his hand and pulling himself up off the forest floor.

"I – I – I'm sorry." Eyes looking at his feet.

"It's OK. Let's get going though. Forget it happened." Forgiving lying hateful dark.

……….

Hotch

Hotchner

Agent Hotcher.

You need to start listening to me.

…….

Hotch had taken a cat nap in the old back office he was using in the field office. But the dreams and nightmares he was beginning to get wouldn't permit the sleep to refresh him. He was tired and cranky and miserable. He knew they had all had a major part in letter Flanders escape again, and then letting Reid be taken by him. Taken by him again. Why was Spencer allowing this? Hotch pushed his chair away from the desk and went out to the main office.

Sigh "Anything?"

Emily looked up then just as quickly looked away again. Was her skill in compartmentalising finally giving in to how she was feeling?

"Prentiss, with me. I need to talk to you."

Sigh - She got up, still trying not to look at her boss and followed him back into the small stuffy back office.

"Sir?" Always trying to do the right thing.

"Emily, sit down." So she sat on a big packing crate at the back of the room. Aaron sat on the desk.

"Sir, what's wrong?" She still wouldn't look at his face.

"Prentiss it is alright to feel something. It is ok to show something. Please Emily don't model yourself on how I react to things." He was looking at a damp blotch on the wall.

"I do feel something sir. I am so mad!" Her eyes glanced quickly at her boss.

"That's not what I meant Emily. Reid is important to all of us. You have my permission to show concern."

A small tear swiped away quickly. "Sir I beg your pardon but I do not have to wear my feelings on my sleeve to feel them. I miss Reid and I am concerned for his welfare. This is just the way I am. I am not going to break down like JJ and Garcia seem to have. Reid is capable of looking after himself and having me sitting there with red puffy eyes will not help us get him home again. I miss-judged him. I underestimated him, and yes he annoys me sometimes. This does not mean I do not care, and likewise it does not mean I am going to sit and cry over it." She looked at her feet.

"Emily, just remember we are all feeling the same loss. You can talk to any of us. You will not lose face because your barrier has weakened. This is something I have been waiting to see. I need to see some empathy Emily."

"Can I go now?" Tears prickling at the back of her eyes.

And a nod.

………………

They had found the van parked up on the forest track. They found the owner was the elder of the two men found in the car. The other man was his brother in law. The van was tidy and finger prints of both Reid and Flanders had been easy to pick. The concern showed when they noted where the fingerprints had been found. Spencer had not spent his time just sitting in the van. Something had gone on here. Scuff marks from feet on the doors. Marks on the ceiling of the cab, DNA collected from lots of places. No blood and no sign of a struggle. The more they found the more worried they became. It really did look like Reid had left of his own free will. What they didn't understand was how or why?

Yes he had gone off with this man before, but last time he was seduced by drugs and mind altering things they were still trying to unravel. This time Gideon and Morgan had been with him for days before hand. They would have seen if Flanders was getting to him that way again. This time he seemed to have been seduced by the very presence of the man. A sick seduction.

………

Aaron Hotchner.

I know you can hear me.

………..

"Anyone got any painkillers?" Aaron asked, rubbing hard at his temples.

………


	10. Chapter 10 Headaches

Headaches

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is not mine.

They walked together through the woods. Sometimes hands would brush by each other in a wishful way. Sometimes eyes would look into eyes in a needful way but never looking too deep or too needful.

Reid was feeling strangely nervous. He didn't know why. He was with who he needed to be with. He should feel safe. Why did he feel endangered?

"Floyd – where – where are we going?" He felt confused almost drugged. The nightmare………….was it a nightmare? Everything was so confusing.

"It's a surprise." Always questions. This was getting irritating. Ungrateful stupid boy. "Don't look so worried Spence. It's all good, I promise."

Reid stopped walking. "I am hungry and tired and I have a headache and you saying it's all good?" His voice raised slightly in annoyance.

Floyd took a step forward and took something out of his pocket. "Chew on this and don't you ever talk to me like that again Spence. People don't talk to me like that. Not even you." Mouths close. Lips touching. "You understand?" He put a small bit of something in Reid's hand. "Chew it. Relax."

"What – what is it?" Feeling the breath on his lips.

"Questions, Spence. Always too many questions." A quick brushing of lips and he was turning around and walking away. Reid looked at the thing in his hand. It looked like a bit of mushroom. A fungus of some kind. His brow knotted.

"Flanders are you drugging me with magic mushrooms?"

Floyd stopped again and turned around…The smile on his mouth not reaching his eyes. "Just chew it and shut up Reid."

"Oh! And if I decide I don't want to eat this – this thing?"

Moving closer to Reid. "Then I will make you."

"Oh, and just how will you do that?" Grinning

"I will tickle you without mercy. Now chew."

……….

Gideon was watching Hotch rub at his temples and run his fingers through his hair.

"Aaron, is everything OK. Apart from the obvious."

"It's fine. Just a bit of a headache." And Aaron got up and went to the men's room with Jason following close behind. Morgan and Prentiss glanced their way then over to JJ who was just sitting looking out of the window.

Aaron was in a stall being sick so Gideon went to get him a drink of water, when he returned Hotch was washing his hands. "Not just a headache Aaron." He stated.

Hotch slowly shook his head. "No not just a headache. Bad dreams too. Not quite nightmares, but not good dreams either. Jason, I need to find Reid."

"Well all do."

"Yes. We all do." Aaron wiped water over his face and took the cup of cool spring water from Jason. "Thank you." But he was swaying and there was no colour in his face.

"Aaron go and lay down. You can't work like this."

"I need to find him."

"You need to rest. What use will you be to us if you can't think straight? Get something for the headache and sleep it off. It's doubtful we will get an update anytime soon."

Hotch sighed and nodded. "Very well, but any news, and I mean anything, you come and get me."

….

Hotch took the couch in the ready room and lay down to try to sleep the pain away but as soon as his eyes closed it started again.

_Walking in the forest. A taste of something sweetly salty in his mouth. _

_Deep deep hunger and a fading fear. What happened to cause the fear?_

_Who was he with? He couldn't tell. He looked at his hands but they didn't look like his. _

_Long fingers with chewed bloody fingernails, and cracked sore knuckles. They looked like Reid's hands, but not. _

_Reid's hands had long nails and soft skin. These were hardened and painful._

_He felt woozy and scared and happy and relaxed all at the same time. It felt like a sleepy drugged happiness._

_Then the dream twisted to old memories of himself, and he let out a moan as the dream carried him back to places he promised he would never go again._

They finally exited the edge of the forest to face a huge lake. Reid stood and looked at it and frowned.

"Lovely. Now you want me to go and catch dinner?"

He got a severe hair ruffling. "You relax. I will cook." And he led Spencer around the lake by his hand to a quiet cabin on the lakeside. They walked past the newly dug and covered graves, and away from the blood drenched generator shed.

"Floyd? Whose place is this?" Was that doubt again? How strong was this boys will?

"It belongs to a friend." And quickly walking towards the door.

"Well now I know you are lying. You have no friends." Big grin.

The cabin was warm and friendly. Two bedrooms, one of which obviously belonged to a child. Reid sat on the big couch and lay back and relaxed "So who are these friends then?"

"I thought you were half starved to death Spence."

"I am." And he sat and watched Floyd preparing the food.

"Then let me cook and stop asking so many questions." He thought for a moment then added. "Just enjoy the moment."

Reid scowled at him and stopped with the questions. For now.

The food turned out to be surprisingly good. A pasta with stuff over it. Reid made a mess but it tasted good. It filled him and made him feel happy and sleepy and relaxed again. He closed his eyes in the comfort of the cabin knowing Floyd was there if the lights suddenly went out and they would. Cabin middle of the woods, something bad always happened. Something bad happened at Gideon's cabin. He tried to think what it was, but the memory was fading as his mind drifted to happy things. He slowly drifted off into another drug induced sleep.

"Christ Spence. Why are you making this all so difficult for me?" and he kissed the sleeping Reid on the forehead.

Floyd sat in front of the small fire in the grate and thought.

_Wake up Aaron._

_I need you here._

_Come on._

_You know you need to be here._

_You know you need to protect Spencer._

_Come to me Hotchner._

And somewhere a sleeping Hotch moaned out again and whispered in his sleep "I don't know where you are though."

_Get in your car and drive._

_I will tell you where to go._

They will ask me where I am going.

_Think of something Aaron. Your boy needs you so much._

Hotch sat up and rubbed his head with his fingertips. The pain was going but the heaviness was still there. He walked slowly to the door and opened it. Still not a lot of activity. They were waiting for Reid or anyone to use his plastic or for some odd report to come in from somewhere.

"I need fresh air. I am going to take a drive around." And he started to leave the office.

"Aaron?" It was Gideon. "Are you sure you are alight to be driving? Let me drive you."

"Thank you Jason I do appreciate the offer but I need space to think and air in my head. You understand?" He hoped Gideon did, because he sure didn't!

I am on my way.

_Good. Make sure they don't follow._

_I have a fun evening set up._

_I don't want them to ruin it._

And Aaron started a journey down the road and out of the town. Without really thinking about it, Aaron pulled over into a car rental lot and parked up. He then requested something small and inexpensive. He paid his money and carried on the journey. He knew the SUV could easily be tracked. This would stop that. The day was pulling to a close when he bumped along the old track to the forest lake. By now what remained of the team would be looking for him. They would have found the SUV. They would know something was wrong. Aaron got out of the small car and walked slowly to the door of the cabin.

"Aaron – at last. Come in and join us." He watched Flanders carefully. He might have been coerced into doing this somehow, but he had not forgotten what this man had been doing. What his man was capable of.

"Where is Reid?" His main concern. Was Reid still alive?

"Sleeping on the couch. Go say hi – but I doubt he will wake up." And he was smiling happily at Aaron.

Hotch walked quickly to check on Reid. It looked like he had just slumped over from a sitting position. Some of this shirt buttons where undone, and his shoes were removed.

"Reid?" and he shook him gently but all he got back was a low murmur.

"You won't be able to wake him."

"What have you done to him and why did you bring me here?" Aaron shook Reid harder but his hands were pulled away.

"I drugged him. He kept resisting me, so I had to drug him. He won't be waking for a while. So tell me Aaron. Just what is it the two of you have going? A relationship? A deep friendship? Tell me how you comfort him Aaron. I want the details."

……………………………..


	11. Chapter 11 Hotch

Hotch..

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is not mine. Flanders is.

"How I comfort Reid?" Aaron looked at the wavy floppy hair and the slightly open mouth and wondered just what it was this creature was after. "You called me here to ask what sort of boss I am?"

"No. You know I didn't. I called you to me to ask for the details. Tell me about it Aaron. How do you comfort your youngest when he is in need?"

Hotch sat on the arm of the couch and stared at the monster in front of him. "I think I know what lines you are going along here Flanders and I am afraid that your sick mind is very much mistaken. Reid is one of my agents. I am married and you know that, so why did you call me here and why is Reid drugged if he wanted to be here. Where are the owners of this place?"

"Tell me about Mahoney. Tell me what happened."

Hotch's hand twitched near to his gun. Enough for Flanders to see he was armed. Not enough to threaten him.

"Tell – me – what – Mahoney – did!" shouting at Hotch.

"I have no idea what you are talking about Flanders." And Aarons eyes flicked to the open shirt buttons and the shoes jumbled on the floor. "What did you do to Reid?"

"Me? What did I do?! Why do you people always throw this back at me? He is safe. He is fed. I looked after him and you say what did I do?"

"Flanders I realise you are upset, but shouting at me is not going to solve the problem we seem to be facing here. His shirt buttons did not undo themselves. Where is his tie? I ask you again what have you done to him, because you will not even begin to comprehend the pain you will feel if you have damaged Reid in anyway or form."

"God you go on don't you? Why would I be upset? I have everything I want. I have Spence. I have you. I need nothing else. I know you won't use your guns against me because you know that will upset Spencer." Floyd moved to the small fire and placed herbs on the logs then turned to watch Hotch. He hadn't pulled his gun. He knew he wouldn't. He needed to know what the thing was they had between them. There was something or he wouldn't have been able to call Hotch to him so easily.

These people were forgetting something very important and he wasn't about to remind them. He – Floyd Flanders was part Reid and although Spence had mostly rejected the experiment there was still part of him in Reid. They had a joining. It couldn't be broken. No matter how much Hotch will try and talk Reid around. They couldn't be separated now. Bonded for life. Bonded for death.

"Just you" pointing at Hotch with his cheroot. "You have done something. There is something behind your eyes. I want to know what it is. I need to know why I lured you so easily. Mahoney too, what the hell happened with Mahoney?"

Confusion on Hotch's face. He was beginning to feel a bit dizzy and light headed. "Mahoney assisted Reid through a nightmare. That is all." More confusion. He needed to sit somewhere else before he fell off the arm of the couch. "What have you done?" and he slid down to sit next to Spencer.

Flanders knew what 'comfort' and 'assisting' meant….he did it enough himself. He wanted someone to comfort him though. He looked over to Hotch who was slowly sliding into a comfortable position on the couch. He had himself comforted Reid after a nightmare. Mahoney will pay. He just needed to work out to get to him. He looked back to the woozy Aaron.

"Let me take your jacket and tie." A smile

"Nurah." And his eyes closed.

Flanders stood and looked at his two guests. Both very different. One would stay, he no doubts on that score now. He would just have to keep him sedated when his brain started to resist. That wasn't a problem. He could do that easily. But now he had Hotch here too. How would Spence react to seeing that, and how long before they were found? They couldn't stay here. Someone will miss the family. He quickly took Aarons two weapons and put them in a drawer.

Floyd pulled a bunch of leaves out of his pocket and with a sigh bent down over Reid and rubbed them, allowing the scent to be breathed in gently as he slept.

"Wake up sleepy head." Floyd said with a whisper in Spencer's ear. Slowly his eyes began to flutter and he took in a couple of sharp breaths. "It's OK Spence. You fell asleep." And he brushed his hair out of his eyes for him.

Reid licked his lips and began to pull himself up to sit. Hotch. Hotch?

"HOTCH!" He jumped up from the couch nearly falling over on his still drugged legs. "What the hell have you done now?! Flanders!"

"You pleased to see him?"

"Floyd – NO! Get him out of here. What have you done to him? NO!" And Spencer started to walk in panicky circles."

"Thought you might be missing him."

"Yes - What? No! What are you talking about? Have you lost your mind? They will hunt us down. Has he got a tracking devise on him?"

"Calm down."

"No I won't! Why do you have to make everything so complicated?" Angry face.

"And why do you have to moan and complain about everything. I have killed for you. At least show some gratitude."

Reid slapped Flanders hard across the face. "I never asked you to do that." He hissed at him

"You asked me with your eyes. With your body. The way you pressed against me on the train. The way your arm would brush mine. You begged me for it!"

"What are you talking about?" Reid just looked totally confused now.

"You!" and he grabbed Reid hard under the chin "You and your strange manners. Luring me in and I have a memory of telling you not to talk to me like that." And he squeezed harder, his thumb pressing into Reid's neck.

"You're hurting me!" Big frightened eyes.

"And you hurt me Spencer. These men." And he spat at Hotch. "I thought they would be fun. I thought you would enjoy them. Stop struggling! Dirty little freak."

Reid tried to pull away as he felt Flanders other hand coming up to wrap itself around his neck. "NO! Floyd stop." Unarmed combat failing miserably as he started to hyperventilate and his legs turning to jelly under him.

He let go of Spencer with a push backwards which sent him out onto the kitchen floor and sliding until his head hit the cabinet on the wall.

"What's got into you Floyd? What did I do wrong?" Were they tears he could feel burning behind his eyes? He rubbed at them angrily. "I am sorry OK? But I don't know what Hotch has to do with you and I?" Slowly trying to get up and feel his neck already bruised from a few days back.

"You were abused." Floyd stated.

"What? No." shaking his head.

"Yes – yes you were."

"Are you still talking about Hotch here? If you are Floyd you have really misunderstood something."

"You let him?"

"Stop it – just stop." Looking concerned. Reid moved forward and put a hand on Floyds shoulder. "I am not a victim. You really shouldn't have brought Hotch here. We will have to leave. Now. We have to leave now."

Flanders was looking manic. He was looking set to explode. He was looking like he was going to kill someone. Soon. Very soon. Reid had seen that look pass over Flanders eyes many times. Usually when he was looking at him. He grabbed his arm "NOW – we go now" He didn't want this rage taken out on Aaron.

Aaron.

"I am so sorry Hotch."

"You are such a selfish little bastard Spencer. Let me get rid of Hotchner."

"No." Talking softly, trying to calm. "No, he is fine there. We must go."

"I can see into your soul Spencer. We are part of each other. I will let you off this time. I know Aaron means a lot to you, but don't lie to me. You know what I will do to you if you do."

"I know."

………….


	12. Chapter 12 Battered

Battered

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is not mine.

Reid started to drag Floyd from the cabin. "Hurry!"

"Wait up. I will get provisions. We will need to eat, you find his keys."

Reid ran over to Hotch and went straight to the pocket he knew he kept his keys in. He checked to see what Flanders was doing, and quickly took Aarons pen and a business card from him. Quickly he scrawled on the back of the card.

_Hotch: I am sorry. Reid._

He placed the card in Hotch's limp drugged hand and started to curl his fingers around the card so he would know it was there. A hand clasped down onto Spencer's and pulled it away.

"Secret lover's messages?" A cold voice whispered in his ear.

Reid tried to spin around and defend himself against what he knew was going to come next. Flanders pushed him back so that his knees bent and he was forced to sit on Hotch's lap. Aaron let out a small moan. Spencer scrabbled to get up off his boss's lap but a fist came over and made hard contact with Reid's chin. His head cracked back and made a hefty connection with Hotch's face.

"Show me what he did to you." Face in Reid's foaming slightly at the corner of his mouth.

Reid's hand on his face where a bruise was going to form pretty soon. "He didn't do anything! I don't now what you are on about"

Hotch was beginning to move under him but the fear of his boss waking to find him wriggling in his lap was short lived as Flanders grabbed Spencer by the hair and pulled him to his feet.

"Show – me." Head butt to face splitting lip, spinning the brain in confusion.

"Show me before he fully wakes." Staring into his eyes with so much anger and hate. Reid was pulled then pushed back onto Aaron. This time facing him.

"Show me with your mouth Spence." Hard spiteful words spitting along his cheek.

"NO! Floyd stop!" Pushing Reid's face onto Aaron. The rest was muffled by Reid and Hotch's contact. Hand wound around Spencer' hair.

"Show me you little pervert freak!"

Reid's hands pushing himself back away from Hotch, and knee in his back pushing him forwards again, hands twisting spitefully in his hair. Reid pushing away from Hotch as he saw his eyes slowly open and focus on Reid's face.

"Let me go!" shouting and more squirming as Spencer tried to get off Aaron and away from the monster. Now Hotch's hands pushing and moving for a gun, a phone, anything to defend against this sudden onslaught. Aarons elbow made contact with the side of Reid's face and immediately he slumped and stopped struggling. Floyd pulled Spencer's unconscious form out of the way and onto the floor next to the small fire where he had put the herbs which let off the noxious fumes to subdue Aaron. Hotch stood, and the two men faced each other.

The fist was aimed at Hotch's jaw, but he blocked it easily. The boot was aimed at the groin. He stepped back.

Lamp picked up off table and swung at Aaron's head. Again he avoided and made a grab for Floyd's swinging arm. Twisting it back behind his back. Booted heel impacting with shin. Hands loosening. One grabbing for cuffs. Head flying back to contact with Hotch's face. And the hand started to slip as Floyd twisted back around and the knee stomach winding him.

"Stop!" and someone else is kicking and pulling "Both of you stop." And a head coming up from below and smacking the peacemaker under the chin sending him back into the arms of Flanders. Arms around Spencer now. Pulling him close. A face buried in the back of his neck. Hands moving up to Reid's head…hands twisting in his hair.

"One move Agent Aaron Hotchner, and no one gets him."

"Gets me?"

Hotch took a step towards Reid but saw the hands tighten on Reid's head and stopped

"Floyd let go of me. I'm not going anywhere. I am staying with you. You don't have to be so damned possessive!"

The hands began to untangle and loosen yet pulling him back away from the other agent. Whispering in his ear. Hot breath. "Cuff him."

A nod. And Reid walked slowly to Hotch and put out a shaking hand to him.

"No Reid. I am telling you as your boss to get out of this building now. Just walk away. You have car keys, take them and go. I am not putting any blame on you for this Reid. But I am giving you a direct order. Leave now."

"Aaron, I don't think the BAU will be having me back again." And a soft sigh "Cuffs." Hotch looked into Reid's eyes, but Reid was not able to make eye contact. His lies and deceit was written there too clearly "Please, I don't want him to hurt you Aaron. Please just play along with me for a while."

"He is a sadistic sociopath Reid. He can't feel." Cuffs handed over gently

"I am a freak. No one is perfect. Turn around." The cuffs were snatched out of his hands by Floyd.

"Get in the car while this sadistic sociopath finds somewhere to put this FBI agent. Take the bags. Hurry." Ordered Flanders.

…………

Aaron was 'escorted' with feet and fists to the generator shed. The blood on the walls had dried a big pool of blood had congealed on the floor. At least Hotch now had clue as to where to cabin owners where.

"I can't kill you. You are lucky. I do feel. I do have feeling for him You are wrong. I might be many things Agent Hotchner, but I would give my life for him."

"I know that is not true. The first sign of a threat and you use Reid to shield yourself. That is not love. You have beaten him into some sick submission, but it won't last. One of you will eventually realise this and this will all end. But this cannot and will not carry on for much longer. You have weakened him, and he has given in, for now. But Flanders, you do need to keep drugging him. He will know what you are doing. He will leave you and his friends will be waiting or that time because we are his friends, this relationship you have forced on him is all pretence. It will not last. We are not going to let this lay. We will pursue you."

His hands behind him tied to a bit of the generator.

"You go on almost as much as Spence. It will last as long as I want it to last. And when I have finished I will return the empty shell."

He left Aaron sitting in old blood in the dark waiting for the others to find him or until he slipped out of these damned cuffs. He heard raised voices. Reid's stuttering excited pitch and the sound of Flanders lower harder voice giving orders. Then car doors slamming and the car moving off back down the track.

………

In the car. Driving too fast are erratic.

"You didn't have to do that. He's been good to me."

"Shut your mouth freak."

Reid looked out of the car window into the darkness through the forest.

"We need to tell them where he is. Have you given me a black eye?"

"If you insist. Call from a call box. And yes, you have a shiner."

"Stop calling me a freak."

"Well stop acting like one." And the fury and hate had gone and the darkness and harness had gone and he smiled as he raced the small car down the track.

"You are driving too fast. You will get us killed. Did you know that…………….."

"I don't need statistics Spencer. I know them. Spencer?"

"Uh hu?"

"Would you die for me?"

"Uh hu, but please don't ask me to today."

"Would you kill for me Spencer?" And he put Aarons gun he had retrieved from the drawer on Reid's lap.

Spencer looked down at the weapon. "I am not really you know – that good with – erm guns. STOP!"

The car shuddered to a stop near to a call box. Reid looked over at Flanders. "I won't be long." He handed the gun back.

………….

Gideon was in the field office looking more than worried and cross and pissed off and anyone who went near him got the Gideon glare. His cell rang in his pocket. He pulled it out and looked at the unknown number.

"Get Garcia to trace this call." And he put the phone on so all could hear the call. "Aaron?"

_Erm no, it's Reid._

Reid, where the hell are you?

_Can't stay on the line Gideon._

What the hell is going on Reid?

_Aar – Hotch I know where he is. I am just calling to let you know._

He gave instructions on how to get to the cabin.

_He is fine. No one got hurt ( and he thought suddenly of the family who had been there.) I need to go. _

Mumbling in the background. The sound of pain.

The line went dead.

……………………


	13. Chapter 13 Lost

Lost

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is not mine. Flanders is.

The telephone wire wrapped itself around Reid's neck as the other end to the receiver was pulled out of its housing. He was pulled back and over towards the car.

Reid's hands scrabbled at the thick wire and he tried to get his fingers between the wire and his neck. He could feel the air passages closing and the darkness closing in around the periphery of his vision. He couldn't see Floyd behind him but he knew it was him there once again choking him.

"Do you like how this feels?" Hot hard breathing in his ear. A tongue running over that little mole. "Remember this feeling when you next cross me." And he released him pushing him against the hood of the car. "Pervert freak" He hissed.

"I I I – I'm sorry." Reid no longer knew what he was sorry for. He just knew he was. He knew that he had to keep Floyd happy. He wanted him to be happy.

"Get in the car." Spencer looked at the ground as he walked slowly back to the car.

"We need to talk. We need to get rid of the car." Reid sat with his arms wrapped tightly around himself.

Floyd leaned over to look at Spencer and pulled his face around to look at him. "Are you telling me what you do?" and he ran fingers slowly down the side of Spencer' face.

"No – no it's just we – we need to talk you know?" A finger running over the mouth with the split lip, and then over the swelling above his eye.

"You look a mess."

"You don't need to keep doing this." And he gestured to his mouth and neck then to his eye. "I'm not going anywhere."

"You still look a mess. Stop doing those things and I will stop getting so angry with you. You learn to do what you are told. You learn to do that OK? And we will be dandy."

"What things?" And the car was moving again too fast and erratic down the road.

"The THINGS!" Shouting. He was getting angry again.

"OK OK I get it. I will stop." He now had to think what it was he had to stop. He turned his head and looked out of the window

"Next time Spencer and I am sure there will be a next time. Next time we see him."

Spencer was lost now. He had no idea what Floyd was going on about…he rambled and rattled on angrily about things until they pulled over into a layby.

"Have you been listening to me?"

"Well it's kind of hard to you know – you know I was using my awesome brain power to try to keep the car from spinning out of control."

That laugh. Spencer loved to hear Floyd laugh like that. It was sweet and fresh and happy. No pain or anger.

They left the car there and took the bags of food and stated a walk across the fields. "Floyd, they will find us, and they will try to kill you. You know that don't you?"

"Hotch."

"Pardon? – no not just him, every police officer in America and the surrounding countries down as far as Thailand I think. Not just Hotch. Do you have water in there?" and he made a grab for one of the bags.

"Get your pervert hands off the food. I prepare."

"Gee and there I was thinking we were finally getting along."

The bags dropped to the ground in a puff of dirt. "You hurt me Spencer. Not physically. You let Hotch touch you and Mahoney you let that 'thing' touch you. Then you deny me?"

"I'm not going over that again Floyd. Anyway where were you when I was attacked in the prison showers? Actually friend – why was I there in the first place?" kicking at the dirt, "I didn't see you coming in then to help me. I didn't see you coming to my aid. Why would I even think of you when I was being comforted by someone who wasn't framing me for murder?"

"I didn't frame you. You stove that mans head in. That was not me."

"Fine! Have it your way then. Always your way. Bring up a subject and change it when you don't like the sound of the answers."

"I didn't frame you."

"And I didn't have hot sex with Hotch in the showers OK? Are we both clear on that now?" high excitable voice.

"You didn't?" Staring at Reid

"What do you want me to say? If I say I did you will call me a freak and beat me. If I say I didn't you will call me a liar and beat me. What answer do you want?"

"I want to know if he was gentle."

"Why – why do you need to know? Yes Hotch was gentle. No he didn't hurt me."

"Tell me about his hands."

"Now you are being silly." And Reid grabbed for a bag again looking for water and got a kick in the face for his trouble.

"Told you not to touch."

……………..

Hotch could hear the sirens from the cars from quite a long way off. He had pulled against his bonds until his wrists had bled, but police cuffs are not made for a quick and easy escape. When he heard the vehicles pull up and the engines quiet he called out. It was Gideon who opened the door and released Hotch. They both looked around them. Hotch had been held in the darkness all this time, and although he could smell the death and blood in this small space he had no idea what was actually there until Jason's torch swung around the room.

There were strips of flesh hanging. Bits which had been carefully cut from something. Something human looking. Lumps of meat were sitting on various ledges. What for they could only hazard a guess, but Hotch's stomach turned when he remembered the smell of cooking in the cabin, and the smell of food of Reid's breath.

"My god, not again, not with Reid." Aaron stood from the messy pool he had been sitting in. "I need to get out of these clothes."

Gideon looked at Aaron's stricken face but still had to ask the question. "How did you know they were here?"

"Dreams. I was having dreams and it was a compulsion. A pull. I cant explain it Jason. I just hope to god it never happens again. That must be how Reid is feeling all the time. This isn't his fault. I am certain he knows nothing of this."

"There's no one else here." Morgan's voice from down by the lake.

Prentiss brought over a bundle of clothing. "Here sir. " she said as he handed over sweats and trainers.

"Sir!" Morgan's voice again. "They have found the car. They must have abandoned it to go by foot. There are tracks going across the fields."

"We need to hurry sir." Prentiss chimed in. "They can't be that far ahead now. We can catch them."

"Emily. "Gideon's careful voice. "We are not trying to catch Reid. This is a rescue."

"Oh sir, yes I know I didn't mean it to sound like Reid was an unsub."

Nods. "They are both very clever people. This might seem simple but they will evade us Emily. I need Reid brought back but not hunted like an animal. Not again."

……………

Reid did a strange twist as the boot connected and he landed on his face in the dirt. Quick scrabblings trying to re-orientate himself. His body and mind.

"Don't move." And hands holding him down. "Be quiet and keep still." Reid suddenly froze. "Did you hear that?" Slow shake of the head. He could taste fresh blood on his mouth. "Now."

"Now?"

"Shsshhsh I said quiet. How quiet can you be Spence?"

He tried to twist over onto his front but was held firmly in place. "Don't struggle. It's ok. I won't hurt you."

"You already hurt me!"

"I have only just started on you Spence. Right now I am going to have some fun."

"Floyd, this is a bad idea."

"Take off your shirt."

"No!"

"I want to see how well your back healed."

"My back is ok. You don't need to see." Hands were pushing Reid's shirt up his back to show the pale scaring on his body. "She did a good job."

"Gee thanks Floyd." Sarcastic tone.

"Time for some fun don't you think?"

………………


	14. Chapter 14 Addiction

Addiction

Disclaimer: (yawn) Criminal Minds isn't mine.

Reid lay red faced and breathing too fast on the ground. Floyd lay next to him with a happy smile on his face.

"Smoke?" he asked Spencer.

"Uh hu." And he took a cheroot from Flanders . They lay and watched the sky and breathed the poison into their lungs and felt total contentment for a short while.

"We have to go Floyd. We need to keep moving."

"Just enjoy this for five minutes."

Sigh

"Don't go all broody on me Spence. We have time to relax."

Sigh

"What's wrong now? Am I not good enough?" Creases forming in his brow.

"One way or another you are going to get me killed." Waved smoke over at Floyd.

Bigger creases. "Very likely Spence." And Floyd got up and started to walk away.

"Hey Flanders, you were meant to say no!" Reid jumped up and re-adjusted his clothes, brushing off the dirt.

"Saying No is your job freak." And Flanders broke into a run.

……….

The team drove fast but carefully to the abandoned car. Two lots of feet had started to walk across this field. This was a good start. No one being dragged or carried. They inspected the direction they had gone in. They studied the marks left behind. They were walking. Not in a hurry. Apart from that there was nothing. The car was taken away by the CSU and would be given a proper going over by them. Though they knew who had been in the car they needed to know if there was anything, any tiny thing which would give them hope for Spencer.

Hotch and Gideon had a talk in private.

"He has a hold over Reid. He won't come easily to us Jason. He is a willing partner in this but there is more to it."

"I need to know everything that went on Aaron." Jason had his grim face on and his hands stuffed in his pockets.

"Reid is protecting him. It is like a relationship. Like …………….." he trailed off and looked at Gideon. "He was drugged and sleeping when I got there. I know Flanders is abusing him but what I don't know is if Reid is a willing participant in this or not. I don't know if the drugs are just to help him sleep or to make him ……………………." And he trailed off again. "Whatever it is going on, it is abusive and violent. He has been hitting Reid. He has bruises on his face but he doesn't seem to be defending himself. Jason we have seen this kind of partnership before. Reid is completely submissive to this man."

Gideon looked puzzled as his brain flicked through filed information compiling and re-filing. "It doesn't make any sense. If we didn't know who it was we were looking for, we would have this profile wrong." Worried face. "This Flanders doesn't fit. His killings are not sexual. We have him wrong Hotch. We need to rethink what is going on."

"We know what is going on. He has coerced one of our agents, and is using him to pleasure himself with."

"That's the very bit which has me worried Aaron. Sexual sadist. Psychotic. There is something more going on Aaron." He looked over to where vans had arrived with the dog handlers and rangers. They were going to follow. It didn't look like the two of them were hiding their trail.

………….

They will kill you too.

_No they won't._

You know they will. Floyd will make sure of it.

_They won't!_

He has already asked if you will die for him.

_It was rhetorical._

You know it wasn't.

_Why are you fooling yourself_?

They won't kill me. They wouldn't.

_They are chasing you down like an animal._

I haven't done anything wrong.

_You are with Floyd._

_Yes you have done something wrong._

_You helped him take Hotch._

_You put cuffs on him._

_You abducted a Federal Agent._

_They are going to get you for that._

It wasn't like that!

_Then turn around and stop running from them._

I don't want to.

_You mean you can't._

"Don't want to what?" Reid suddenly realised he had stopped walking and was standing watching Flanders who was talking to him. "Who you talking to freako?"

"I I I wasn't talking to anyone."

And fingers in his hair. "Yes – you – were." Reid knew what was coming next and his stomach twisted with the sudden adrenaline rush.

"No I wasn't" Very quiet. A whisper and a slight shake of the head.

With his other hand Flanders pulled something out of his pocket and held it to Spencer's mouth. "Eat."

"What – what is it?"

"Food." Pushing it in Spencer's mouth. "Chew." Hair pulled harder.

"What is this?" Chewing looking puzzled.

"Told you. Food. Now who were you talking to?"

"N no one!"

"Liar as well as a freaking pervert?" Spencer closed his eyes and did a slow nod trying to pacify chewing slowly.

"KNEW IT!" and he let go of Reid and started to walk away again. Reid stood and looked puzzled. Was that it? Was that what he needed to do to keep Floyd happy? He started to follow slowly still chewing and now ignoring the voices in his head insisting that he do something to stop this.

…………..

The dogs followed easily. They found cheroot stubs…sometimes two found together. They were photographed and gathered up. They found scuff marks in the dirt. Signs of a struggle or a fight in places. There was no obvious blood or blood trail. Gideon was not sure if these were good or bad signs. The area of flattened grass forced them to all stand and look for a while. Different pictures of the reasons flicking through different peoples minds. Aaron and Gideon were virtually sharing the same images.

"Is this what it looks like?" asked Morgan.

"What does it look like?" Prentiss

"I don't want to think about this!" and Morgan walked off to talk to the rangers about time and distance. They were catching up. They would catch up. But then what? They had had run ins with this man so many times now, and he still managed to be walking across farmland with one of their agents, no one of their friends seemingly willingly! How to stop this man short of blowing his brains out? Then what of Reid? Images of what they might have to do to stop Reid flashed through his head. He rubbed hard at his eyes. This had been going on for so long. When was this going to stop? Would Reid ever be the same again. He didn't see how that would be possible, but then he pulled through bad shit before, but this was more than bad. This was total destruction of a person. Was there anything of Reid left?

They were moving off again. They were travelling faster, much faster than Reid and Flanders. They were not stopping so often. The rangers seemed to have a pretty good idea of where they were heading. There was a small farming community not far away. It looked like they were heading straight for it. If they were and if this is where they intended to stay for a while, then they had them.

……………

Flanders suddenly stopped and turned around. He stepped quickly to Reid who automatically flinched away.

"Hey hey…don't. I won't hurt you. I will never hurt you." A bruised face looked back at him. "I need you to stay here."

"What? – stay here? No. I am coming with you." Hands reaching out for Floyd's face.

"I don't want us to be together when – if they catch up." Hands reaching out for Reid's face. "Sorry about your lip."

"It was my fault." Tears stinging the backs of his eyes.

"Stay here. Please." Thumb moving slowly over the lip.

"I I I cant."

"They will kill me Spence. I don't want you to see that." Lips almost touching.

"I won't let them. I need to stay with you Floyd. Please."

"I don't want you to get hurt; I can't stand the thought of someone else hurting you."

"Staying with you to the end Floyd." Gripping at Floyd's hand. "We need to go."

They turned and moved off again towards the first farm building.

………………..

It was getting dark as they reached the first building. The dogs were going wild. They stood for a while and just looked. A small brick outbuilding. The dogs had the scent. They had arrived. This was it. Guns out. Morgan checked his weapon, Hotch pulled at his tie, and Gideon looked grim. If they were in the building they would be able to hear the dogs. The rangers took off and moved around the building. The dogs pulling on their leash's.

………………

Reid and Flanders were walking slowly carefully and quietly through the edge of the village. Floyd had dumped the bags and contents in the outbuilding for the dogs to find. They will like that if they taste it. He had saved a bit for he and Spencer to chew on as they walked towards some parked cars. One of them had a young woman sitting in the front drivers seat applying her lipstick. She had lots of very blonde hair. Bottle blond. Bleached with no life.

"Spence. Wait here." Hand on his chest. "Wait. I will be back."

Alarmed look on his face as Floyd walked over to the car. Spencer watched as the woman responded to whatever it was Flanders said to her and she got out of the car and turned to look at her rear tyre. She was dead before Spence realised what was going on. Laying dead in the gutter. Flanders dragged her back to the car and stuffed her on the back seat. Reid stood and looked at Floyd who was beckoning him over.

"Move it. They won't even know we are gone."

"They – they might you know – they might guess?"

Dogs barking in the distance. Shouting voices. Reid could hear someone calling his name.

"Get in the car freak." Pushing him to the door, punching the back of his head. "MOVE! I told you to stay. Now you are holding me up you pathetic – pathetic – idiot!"

Reid stumbled into the seat and Flanders ran around and took the drivers side.

"You didn't have to kill her!" shock still showing on his face.

The elbow to his mouth quietened him down while whilst Flanders sped out of the village.

………………


	15. Chapter 15 Fear

Fear

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds isn't mine.

After about a mile the car slowed down and stopped. Floyd moved his hands slowly over the Reid. There was a trickle of blood coming out of his nose, and he was slumped against the pull of the seat belt with his eyes slightly open.

He gently felt for a pulse and sighed. Flanders lit up and sat looking at the man next to him in the car. Reid's normally busy hands lay still in his lap. Flanders took one of his hands and lifted it to his mouth and kissed his knuckles.

"Sorry Spence."

He looked at the pale skin on Spencer inner wrist and touched it gently with his finger, then gently with this cheroot. Then hard with the cheroot and sighed and dropped his hand back onto his lap.

The car started up again and drove on into the night with the lights dipped low.

Flanders had to admit that was bloody close. He was going to have to be very careful now. And now this added complication. He glanced over at Spencer again.

"Shit!" He pulled over the car and got out and went round the passenger side door and opened it. He leaned over Spencer and unbuckled him then dragged him from the car. He held him under the arms and pulled him into a ditch at the side of the road. Then sat and looked at him. He pushed his hair off his bruised face. Flanders suddenly realised he could no more leave Spencer than Spencer could him. Pulling Reid into a half sitting position he slapped him hard around the face.

"Wake up! Spencer don't do this to me, please wake up!" Rough shaking. "You will get us both killed. Wake up!"

Floyd had never felt this before. This deep feeling of absolute terror. What the hell had he done? The one thing he needed so much and he does this?

"The car….back in the car." Floyd talking to himself. He grabbed the woman on the backseat by her ankles and dragged her out and into the road. Then he picked Reid up and lay him on the rear seat. Got in the car and drove with his foot on the boards.

"Wake up Spence…Just wake up" He had a nasty feeling that this time he had hurt him properly. This time he might have gone too far. He drove as fast as he could towards where he thought his best chances of finding a hospital was. His mood swinging from fear of how much he had hurt Spencer to fury that Reid had made him do it. "This is what I do for you. I will get caught for sure now, and you will see it all. You happy little freak boy?!" Sliding around the bends in the road and bouncing over the potholes. "Spencer you are scaring me, wake up!" He adjusted the rear view mirror so he could see Spencer laying on the back seat. Legs bent up and eyes still with that awful half openness to them and the blood still slowly dripping. "Good he's bleeding. You don't bleed if you are dead. This is good. This is good."

……….

The dogs found the emptied out bags and some items of clothing. They had laid a distraction and it had worked well. The meat alerted the dogs to the smell of human flesh, and they had followed it all the way here, but if they had been here it couldn't have been long ago. They can't be far. Running down into the small community they looked around for anything suspicious. Hotch started knocking on doors with Morgan. Gideon stood and look pensive. He didn't think they would still be here. Too clever to sit around waiting. They had moved on again somehow, but he didn't know how until Morgan came running over.

"Gideon, they took a car. Someone saw two people driving away in red ford. The car belongs to Kitty Wigmore. She doesn't seem to be around either. The car has GPS…so we can track it maybe?"

"This man never seems to sleep." Gideon commented and walked off shaking his head. "Morgan call Garcia. I want a trace put out on the car."

Morgan flipped open his phone and hit speed dial.

"Office of Supreme Genius: how may I help you?"

Morgan gave a quick run down on what was going on and what they needed. "Sweety, I will track the GPS and come right back to you."

………

Wake up.

_NO_

You need to wake now Spencer.

_I need to stay here._

Spencer, you can't stay here you need to wake.

_I'm not ready._

What are you waiting for?

_The pain to stop._

Where is it hurting?

_Everywhere and nowhere._

_I need to stay here._

It's time to wake.

_No. Something feels wrong. _

_I don't think I can wake yet._

Just open your eyes Spencer.

_I can't._

_Everything is wrong._

_I can't wake up._

And it was now that Floyd heard Spencer. The seizure lasted for a long time. Floyd watched in the mirror.

"Crap, I am going to lose him." He pulled the car over and leaned over to the back seats. He grabbed Reid's shoulders and pulled him so he was on his side rather than his back. Still those spooky eyes. Still twitching and foam forming at the side of his mouth. "Shit!" and back on the road and into a small town.

Flanders saw a small group of people walking down the road so he pulled up a bit to fast and sharp and shouted out of the window "I need a hospital."

One of the crowd walked over and pointed down the road…'first left'

Tyres squealing he left the people and carried on.

"What am I going to do Spence? I can't go in there. You can't go alone. Crap!" and he pulled up outside A&E. Floyd jumped out of the car and started to shout for help. This was just something he had never felt before. Last week…last year he would have let him die in the ditch. He would have made sure of it. Now he couldn't. Now it was too late.

Medics ran over to the car and had a look in the back. They started to ask questions and the answers just fell out of his mouth.

"Long term partner. Got beaten up. Help him, he's been fitting. Is he dead? Please tell me he isn't dead."

More questions fired at him while he stood and panicked. "His name? Spencer – Spencer Reid."

That was it. Floyd knew it was over now.

"I'm sorry Spencer."

………..

You try and wake up again.

_I don't want to. Leave me alone._

Your friends are on their way.

_I don't need them mothering me._

You need them as friends.

_I need Floyd more._

He did this to you.

_I deserved this._

Wake up Spencer.

………………

Hotch's phone bleeped.

It was the local police. They had seen the car, and someone had reported giving directions to someone to a hospital.

They managed to get enough vehicles together to rush onwards towards their youngest.

…………….

"What the hell's wrong with him? Why won't he wake up?" Flanders panicking was scaring the staff.

"Sir I think it best you wait outside."

"They will come and they will look for me." Finger jabbing on the doctors chest. "And when they do you will realise this is your lucky day. You are only alive because you need to wake Spence. Wake him! I will be back!"

And Flanders walked out of the front doors and over to the parking lot. An elderly woman was just pulling in. He ripped her from her seat and drove off.

………..

Spencer it's me. Can you hear me still?

_Floyd?_

I am sorry Spence.

_It's ok…it's not your fault._

I will come back for you. Get better, then I will come back.

_No don't leave me!_

I have to. They are coming.

_I will contact you when you are healed._

I will wait then.

_Let them help you. Then I will return._

I need you!

_I need you too. I will be here. You just call me OK?_

I am going to sleep.

I can't hear you!

I can't feel you anymore.

It hurts, tell them to stop!

………………

Spencer lay on the bed with his spooky half open eyes.

I'm sorry Floyd!


	16. Chapter 16 Eyes

Eyes

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds isn't mine:

Wake up.

Beeping of machinery.

Wake.

_Pain, such pain._

Move.

_I can't._

Breathe.

_Breathe._

………..

The team stood in the waiting area whilst Hotch went off to find someone in charge.

"Doctor, I am looking for a colleague who was brought in. A Spencer Reid."

The doctor stood and looked at Aaron for a second whilst the FBI badge was presented to him. "He can't have visitors right now. Relatives only. I'm sorry."

"We are all he has. We are his family. He is one of my agents and I do need to see it is who we think it is. Please."

"Very well, but he has taken repeated head trauma over a period of some time. We are readying him for scans." The doctor was looking Aaron in the eyes.

"Has he said anything? Do you know how he got here?"

"He hasn't woken yet Agent erm Hotchner and as far as I have been told his partner brought him in."

"I see." Staying calm. "And is his partner still here?" looking around quickly.

"I told him to leave. He was nearly hysterical with panic. I told him to wait outside. Come this way, I will take you to Mr Reid."

A hand on the doctor's shoulder. "Dr Reid. He is Doctor Reid."

The form on the bed was only recognisable by its familiar frailness. He had tubes attached to his face giving him direct oxygen, and drips attached to his arms. His face was bruised. His mouth swollen, his lips split. One eye blacked but yet slightly open still. Yellowing and fresh blue marks covered his face and hands. The doctor picked up Reid's left hand and turned it over.

"Cigarette burns." He told Hotch.

"He doesn't smoke. "and sad eyes.

"Yes he does."

Puzzled expression.

A nurse walked over to Reid and carefully held his head in one hand, and put drops of something in his eyes.

"He is breathing on his own? Erm tox reports?" Aaron could feel suddenly that dark fuzzy feeling around the edge of his eyes. A feeling he was being suffocated. He reached out and managed to lower himself into a chair feeling very ill. He couldn't think straight. He needed to get out of the hospital. He needed to get out now.

Staggering he left the small room and pushed his way through the other team members standing waiting for news. The look on Aarons face made them run out after him.

"Aaron?" Gideon' voice.

"We let that happen to him Jason." Aaron walked off down the road.

………..

Spence.

_Leave me alone Floyd._

Please lover, wake.

_Don't call me that._

Wake up you damned Freak. I need you to get better.

_I don't think I can._

I am watching Aaron.

_Leave him alone._

I could take him like I took you.

_But you won't._

What makes you so sure?

_I am trying to wake up Floyd. They put drops in my eyes. I could feel it._

Your eyes are open.

_I can't see._

But you can feel.

_Am I going to die?_

Now you are being silly.

_If I wake, will you leave Aaron alone?_

Wake and find out.

…………..

Reid was running from something. No…towards something? Away and towards? He was confused. There was something stinking and evil chasing him. He ran but his feet stopped moving, and the ground became wet and muddy. He felt a hand on the back of his neck and fingers twisting in his hair. He felt something warm slide around his neck and pull him back…..His hands pulled at it, and he hit out at his attacker, but still he couldn't see. He screamed as the thing behind him pulled tighter and closed his air passages. A familiar feeling.

…………

Sudden jerking movement in Reid's bed. The staff ran to him as he flailed and clawed at the tubes over his face and tearing and ripping at the drips feeding into his arms. The voice "NO NO NO NO get off me! Don't! NO! Please don't hurt him!"

"He's waking up!" Shouts out of the room calling a doctor.

"Get off me!" Reid shouting in the darkness he was still in. Eyes still half closed or half open.

People running and soothing noises. "It's going to be alright Dr Reid. You are going to be alright."

"I'm awake. Now go."

_I will wait._

Calm. "I need you."

_I need you too, but I hurt you. I need you to get better._

"Don't leave me! Don't leave me alone here. Come back! I need to know you are here." Reid shouting out at unseen people around him

"It's going to be alright Dr Reid. We won't leave." The nurse talking to him like he was simple

"Get off me bitch!" and a backhand at the nurse.

_Spence?_

……………..

Flanders sat in the stolen car watching. He had seen Hotch leave the hospital looking less than happy. Good. He made the man miserable. This was good. Maybe he should have done that to Spence long ago if that was the reaction he was going to get. Flanders smiled at Aaron's pain.

I am here.

A voice so loud in Hotch's head that he thought he was going to be sick.

Just three words. A warning? A promise? Hotch didn't know. Everything felt unreal. This just didn't happen. He didn't have voices in his head. He was the calm one. He was the one pulling the others together. Why was he out here hearing voices and not back in there with Reid?

He suddenly turned and ran back.

…………….

Reid seemed to have a nasty habit of shouting and hitting out when he was in hospitals. If this was now an ingrained response to waking to the smells he feared the most or just that every time he ended up here he had taken quite a beating Gideon didn't know. What he did know was that he had to be in that room with the man he thought of as a son and try to calm him down. Yes he figured Reid would fight him off at first, but a slapping from Reid would be far less than Reid had gone through recently. They were still saying the needed brain scans. Consistent batterings to his face hand head would cause all kinds of unknown damage. They had noted the nose bleed and the strange unresponsive eyes. They needed him sedated to take the tests on Reid's brain further then just a guess at the damage which had been done.

Gideon spoke to Reid. "Spencer, it's me. I will stay with you."

"JASON!" That was the sound of fear. "I I cant see!" more fear.

Gideon reached out and grasped Reid's hand. "It's ok Spencer. You took a nasty hit to your head."

"Is he here? Did he bring me here?" Sounds of panic "Why cant I see?"

"They are going to take you down for some tests. It's going to be OK. I'll stay with you."

"Is he – is he dead?" Feeling around with his other hand for something.

"No Spencer. He isn't here, and he isn't dead as far as we know." I am sorry.

"No That's good. He will come back. Oh god I cant see Jason!" Trying to sit up then falling suddenly to the side.

Everything stopped again. He could feel Jason's hand in his but the sounds had gone. He could feel worried hands fussing at him and pulling him back squarely on the bed. He could feel movement and Gideon's hand squeezing. Then a fading into nothingness.

……..

Did you fall asleep?

_I don't know._

Are you going to wake up?

_I don't know_

I have to go.

_Who are you?_

………

They stood and watched as their youngest was taken down for scans on that battered head. Morgan rubbed angrily at his eyes and so wanted to kick out at something but managed to stop. Anger management? He didn't need that…..what he needed was Floyd's head on a stick. And his skin on his wall. Then he would be happy.

"Jason." Aarons quiet voice. "he has cigarette burns on his arms. What has that monster been doing to him?"

"I think we know what." Snapped Morgan.

………

Floyd's eyes were red and his face was set grim.

"Right Mahoney, you dirty pervert. Your turn."…………and he drove off silently into the night. The body of the owner of the car was found in the morning. Flanders had changed cars three times by then. Keeping tabs on an FBI agent all those years had taught him some good tricks.

I'll be back.

Oh and Spence. You are mine. Don't forget.

_I won't._

………….


	17. Chapter 17 Light

Light

Disclaimer: criminal minds is not mine

It was slow. It took time. They kept watch over him like guardian angels. JJ sat and stared. Disbelief spread over her sweet face. Morgan was just so angry he didn't know what to do with him self.

Gideon would sit with Reid for hour after long hour waiting. Waiting – waiting.

Aaron's emotions usually so well hidden were there for everyone to see during this waiting time. Until Reid woke up properly they would not know if there was permanent damage to their youngest.

Prentiss left a card. '_Get Well Soon – Emily_.' Morgan threw it in the bin

They had to get back to work. They were needed. There were other victims who needed them to rescue them. Reid was going no where. They gave him physio everyday. Trying to keep his muscles working.

It was they eyes though. Those half open eyes. Looking into some pit of hell? Or seeing nothing. They didn't know.

The others eventually left. They were ordered back to work. Flanders had disappeared. They would have to wait for him to surface again. They knew he would. Someone didn't do all this then just leave it.

Gideon was reading a book – aloud – for Reid. If he could hear he would need more than just the beeping of machinery for company. He sat holding his hand gently talking in a soft voice. A healing voice.

He saw it, but thought he had imagined it. Gideon put the book down gently and moved closer to the bed. He couched next to Reid and watched his face.

Again. He saw it again.

"Spencer?"

…………

It was so dark and silent that he assumed he was dead. This was it? This was the end? He was sure Elle said there was more. Was this all he got for eternity. Nothing? Tormented as a child. Teased and abused as an adult, and now this? Nothing. No voices. No sounds. No dreams. He tried to call out to those voices. He tried to call them back, but it was like the signal was down. No reception. Cold empty nothingness.

After a while he thought he could smell something. 'the smell of the Madeline unleashing……………….memories'. Memories. It smelt like hospital. Was he in hospital? Again? What had happened? So for a while he lay and he could smell things. He could smell soap. He could smell aftershave. He could smell coffee. Sometimes he could smell perfume or food.

He lay and saw into darkness and took in the smells.

Then he could feel something. Someone moving his legs. Moving his arms. Holding his hand. Running a finger along his.

He lay and saw into the deep depth of his soul. He saw. He remembered. He loved.

Light was seeping in. Around the corners and edges of him mind. Tiny half broken fragments. Slithers of light creeping in.

He tried to blink.

He tried again.

Reid blinked again. His face hurt. His mouth hurt. The pain. The pain was flooding back. He could hear voices. Real voices? Real! He could hear Gideon. What is Gideon doing here? Where is Floyd?

A voice calling his name.

"Spencer?"

………….

Reid cautiously licked his lips. His fingers twitched under the hold of Jason and he felt Jason's hand tighten on his.

He was alive.

Where had he been all this time?

Why was it so dark and silent?

…………..

Reid recovered from the physical damage done to his body. The bleeding eventually stopped and his brain rested from its battering. He lay hour after painful hour trying to get his body to do what it was meant to do again. The nurses pulling at him and rubbing him and getting him to sit.

He didn't talk. He didn't want to talk. Jason was here. Where was Floyd? He was too afraid of the answer. He had tried to call him…with his mind…he had called out to him, but there was nothing. The connection was gone.

Gideon asked no questions. He talked about birds and wild flowers, and when Reid could sit he pushed him around the hospital gardens in a wheelchair. Still Reid hadn't talked to Jason. He was silent. The doctors said it was likely brain damage. They would be amazed if he ever got up and walked around chatting like he used to. He will never work for the BAU again. Not this strange sad silent man.

The second visit to the gardens Spencer seemed a bit more alert.

He looked like he wanted to talk. Like he needed to say something.

Jason took him down to the river edge and sat on the grass next to him.

"Jason?" a very small rough and underused voice.

"Spencer." And a smile. A face full of joy. His child had spoken his first word.

"I need a smoke." Not what Gideon expected.

"You don't smoke Reid."

A big sigh. "There is so much – so much - about me you don't know. I had some with me. Get them for me please."

Jason frowned. No talking for months then suddenly demands for smokes? This was wrong. Something had gone wrong with his Reid. He took the chair and started back again.

"Leave me Jason. Get me the smokes."

"Spencer."

"HELP ME OR LEAVE ME ALONE!" shouting…voice cracking. Eyes wide with pain and tears welling up. Trying to push out of the chair and falling.

Reid lay on the ground and curled up "Just leave me alone."

"I wont leave you. It's ok"

Eyes looking at Gideon. Locking him on the spot. "Where is he?" He sounded lost.

"Let me help you up. Get back in the chair. I will get your smokes if you need them."

…………

The following day they repeated the trip to the river. This time Reid made sure he had his smokes with him. He lit up and rested his head on the back of the chair.

"Jason, I need to talk to Hotch."

"About work?" Jason avoided looking at Spencer.

"No. About life. I really need to talk to him."

"He is busy. I will see if he can get down here. No promises."

"Why are you the only one who has stayed?" Big sigh

"You scared us all Spencer. We didn't know who you were anymore. They are just protecting themselves from it."

"From what?" puzzled voice "From the pain. From the reality of it all. It hurts Spencer. What you did. It hurt people."

"I just – just w w wanted ………………….." he trailed off. "I need to talk to Hotch."

Gideon nodded. "I will see if he can get down here."

"They don't visit." Sigh

……….

That evening Spencer lay in the half dark of his room. They were monitoring him. Though he was recovering slowly. He was still not walking unaided.

So he lay and closed his eyes and called out.

Are you there?

_Yes._

Where have you been?

_You needed to mend._

I am mending. It's slow.

_I hurt you._

It's ok. I am mending.

_I will come back for you._

I am sorry.

_What are you sorry for Spence?_

Everything.

_So why are you asking to talk to Hotch?_

I………….

_You are a liar Spencer._

No.

_You are not sorry._

I am. I am sorry.

_You scared me you freak. I thought you were dead._

So did I.

_I nearly buried you!_

Glad you didn't.

_I need you to rest. Then I will come back for you_

Thank you.

_Don't talk to Aaron. Stay away._

I miss you.

…………….

The nurse noticed a nose bleed and gently wiped the blood off the sleeping Spencer he then moved closely as if to whisper in his ear and kissed him gently on the lips.

"Night Spence."


	18. Chapter 18 Letter

Letter

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is not mine.

It looked like Reid had had a very unsettled night. In some ways this was good. He was moving his legs more obviously by the way his covers were kicked off the bed. He was laying sprawled on his front. The nurse smiled at him and she quickly covered him over again. He would be able to leave soon and go to convalesce somewhere better than a hospital. He last of the brain scans and MRIs had been completed and results were in. Nothing permanent done that they could see. He was lucky.

Spencer stirred as he felt the hand touch his wrist to take a quick reading.

"Good morning Dr Reid. Have a good night?"

"Mmmmmm…yes thank you."

"There is a letter for you. I will go and get it." And she started to turn and walk from his room.

"Wait. A letter? Who from?" Turning on his side to look at the nurse.

"I don't open your mail Dr Reid."

She brought the letter in and laid it on the small tray/table thing next to Reid's bed. "You will be wanting coffee I assume?"

Reid reached over for the letter. It sent tingles up his spine and the tiny hairs on the back of his hands stood up. "Erm yes please. Give me a few minutes."

The nurse left and Reid pulled himself up to sit. He felt strange this morning. Happy, like nothing bad had happened. Like the team hadn't abandoned him. He felt truly happy. And now a mysterious letter? He sniffed the envelope and looked at the printed name and address. The frank had been smudged so badly he couldn't see where it had been posted from.

He slid his finger under the envelope flap pulled it open and looked inside. A letter. He just sat and looked inside without taking it out. Then slowly raised it to his face and inhaled the musty scent from inside. Then carefully he took the letter out. This he stroked gently then put this also to his face and inhaled the familiar scent.

Floyd.

_Spence,_

_I have been moving around a lot. I did go to Europe and I collected there for a short while, _

_But things are just not the same without you. I am pissed at you for still being in that hospital. I have had_

_to go to a lot of trouble to see you. I need to touch you. Next time I visit I hope you will awaken for me._

_Its insufferable having a love who sleeps the whole time! Accept this as a gift to help you rest and recuperate._

_Call me if you need me._

_Floyd xx_

Reid took the letter and ran his tongue over it. He thought briefly of the times he has stuck that needle into his arm, or between his toes, and into other places for a quick hit and sighed. Was doing this really any different? The feeling of that release from pain. The escape from everything. Was doing this any different?

He made a paper cut on his tongue and ran it along the edge of the letter. His head felt light and happy. Carefully he replaced the letter into the envelope and put it under his pillow just as the nurse returned with his coffee.

"Everything alright Dr Reid?"

He flashed a beautiful white smile at her. "I don't think it gets much better than this."

………

Although Reid was mostly back on his feet again now he was still weakened by his time laying static, so the chair was used for a trip down to the river. When Gideon was there, which was most days, he would take him down there , where Reid would smoke his strange cigarettes (never ending supply it would seem) and relax just feeling alive. Other times a nurse would take him down and leave him there. Today he was alone, but within yelling distance off assistance. His mind was a million miles away. It was laying in the grass and feeling satisfied and sated. It was content.

"Reid." A familiar voice. Reid's eyes shot open and he looked to where the voice was coming from and a small frown creased his brow.

"Hotch!" He started to pull out of his chair to great his boss – ex boss?

"Don't get up Reid. Gideon said you needed to talk to me. Why are you smoking? What are you smoking?" He walked over grabbing a plastic chair on the way so at least they would be on eye level.

"Yes I needed to talk to you." Nervous eyes looking around, he reached out and touched Aaron's hand. Yes he was real. This was real. Aaron had come to see him. "You don't visit." A small hurt voice.

"I am here. We – the team agreed not to visit all the time. We agreed to wait for Jason to contact us saying there had been a change." He turned his hand palm up and gripped Reid's hand.

"I have been awake for a while now. No one came." Looking down at the hand. "Aaron. Don't" And he tried to pull his hand away.

"I was told to stay away from you." Looking at his white knuckles holding on too tightly.

"Why?" small voice. Puzzled voice.

"Spencer. The man is insane, and his jealousy – well – you have seen what he does."

"Floyd warned you away?"

A slow sad nod.

"He doesn't understand."

"Spencer, one or the other. You can't have us both. I don't want that. No body wants that."

"Are you calling me a tart?!" Shocked expression. "This was NOT my fault." And in a whisper. "I want that."

"I need to be your boss Spencer. I can't be more than that." Moving the entwined hands to his face and inhaling. "You smell good."

"Aaron." Choked sound. "You can't say one thing then do another. It's not fair. I trust you with my life. I trust you with my soul. I want to trust you with my heart."

The hand was dropped. "No Spence. Haley – Jack."

"Oh they didn't come into the equation last time?" Tears beginning to creep down Spencer's face.

"No Spencer, no don't." and Hotch was standing next to Reid and pulling him to stand. Pulling him close and wrapping his arms around him. Spencer was shaking as he ran his hands up Hotch's back then through his hair. He could feel Hotch was giving in. He could feel his body relax and lean into him. He could feel his face nuzzling into his neck, and he the soft breath on his ear "I am sorry Spencer, I can't do this." Aaron suddenly let go of Spencer who was unbalanced by they sudden loss of support and he made a grab for Hotch.

"I said no. Please respect that." And he guided Reid back to sit in the chair. It was when Reid reached out again for Hotch's hand that Aaron saw it. He grabbed Reid's left wrist and turned it to look at the soft inner skin. With his other hand he pushed up Reid's cardigan sleeve. "What the hell is this?"

Spencer's wrist and arm was covered in small round burns. Cigarette burns. "Don't come here acting all caring then accuse me of – of – and then act like you give a damn about me!" He twisted his arm out of Aaron's grasp.

"I shouldn't have come. I was hoping to clear things. It's not working. I have to go; I need to get back to Haley. She won't like that I've been here."

"Well I don't like it that you g g g go back to h h h Haley, but who gives a d d d damn about me?" He was shouting.

Hotch could see that this was going to go nowhere now. Spencer was irrational. He was not the Spencer he had come looking for. This was a whole new person, and he wasn't sure he liked him. "We all care about you Reid. What the hell is wrong with you?"

Spencer took out a cheroot and lit it, inhaling deeply. "Go back to her then. What are you st st st standing staring at me for?"

Hotch turned slowly and walked away. A deep sadness and feeling of loss. A love lost.

………..

A soft voice in Spencer's ear. "You are so beautiful when you are angry."

……….


	19. Chapter 19 Back

Back

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is not mine.

So Reid had a new place to stay. Closer to home. This time it was more like a small bedsit attached to building full of physio rooms, and all the staff and help anyone would ever need to recover from a trauma. He had his own space, he had a place to set up his lap top. He had books. Reid pulled his mind down and shut everyone out. Gideon noticed the sudden change again in Reid. So many different sides of one person. He tried talking to Reid but all he could get was a mumbled reply of "mm". His boy had shut down again.

Morgan went to visit. He took with him bar of chocolate and a smile. He found Reid sitting in the garden watching nothing. Just sitting. Hands still. Head slightly to one side. Almost like he was half dozing.

"Reid." He said and sat down next to him. "Long time man." And he smiled at his partner – ex partner?

"Yeah well I was kind of incapacitated for a while there. I noticed you stopped visiting." Turning to look at Derek. "Why was that? Get bored watching me? Not entertaining enough for you? Or do I repulse you?"

"Hey hey, no need for that attitude man!" Derek looked offended by the way Reid was talking to him. "I brought you this." And he handed over the candy.

Sigh "Sorry Derek, thank you. I am so bored – my brain is turning into jello staying here. The only stimulation I get is from physio. I will be going home soon. Derek, do I still have a home to go to?"

"Want me to arrange a weekend home or something? I can stay over. Watch some old movies. Those black and white ones you like. How does that sound?"

"Sounds good. Can I have popcorn too?" And a smile. A rare smile.

"I am sure I can get Garcia on the case."

……………….

"Mahoney – you have a visitor." Mahoney got up from the game of snap he was playing with himself and walked over to where the guard was standing. He walked through the gates and into the visitors' room. He sat at a table and waited. He was expecting his lawyer to see him at some point this week, so when a tall man in a hat and glasses and black cowboy boots sat down opposite him he was a bit surprised.

"I think you have the wrong person." Mahoney stated.

"I don't think I do." Flanders replied.

"What can I do for you?" Mahoney looked bored.

"You touched him. I need details." Watching Mahoney closely

"I beg your pardon? Who the hell are you?"

"Not important. I know you are a filthy pervert and I know you abused Reid. Tell me the details."

Mahoney stood up. "I don't know what the hell you are talking about."

A guard called for Mahoney to sit down. He did so with a thump and a scowl.

"Right creep. You took my friend when he was unable to resist. That is rape."

"Who the hell are you talking about!"

"Reid."

"The guy with the hair and glasses?"

"You know full well who I am talking about. Tell me what you did to him."

"You don't look stupid. Use your imagination. What do you do to him?" And Mahoney got up and left the room

Flanders stood. He wanted to go over there and rip Mahoney's face off. He wanted to peel off his skin and gouge out his eyes. The muscle in the side of his face twitched as he walked away. Prison was the very last place Flanders wanted to make a scene. Control. That's what is needed here. He will wait. The day that pervert is released Flanders will be roasting him over a spit.

………….

Morgan picked Reid up.

They drove in almost silence. Just the occasional word said. Morgan didn't want to press Reid back to being his old self. He needed to slide into that alone. Last thing he needed now was pushy friends.

It was a good evening. Garcia as usual brought the ice cream…They chatted and laughed like nothing had happened. They watched old black and white movies interspersed with old Star Trek episodes. Pop corn in several varieties eaten by the bucket full and gallons of hot sweet coffee. Everything seemed normal until Reid got up and walked slowly and carefully to where he had dropped his bag. He unzipped the side and took out a cheroot and a lighter. Garcia and Morgan sat and stared. They said nothing. But the surprise was obvious.

"What?" Reid snapped at them as he lit up and took a long needed drag.

"Sweet cheeks, you don't smoke ….put it out babe."

"Excuse me? This is my apartment. If I want to smoke I will." And slowly and carefully he walked back to his soft chair.

Morgan and Garcia exchanged looks.

"I'm not blind. Have something to say, then say it. Otherwise get out. Actually get out anyway. I am tired I need to sleep. Thanks and all." And he stood slowly and walked toward his door, opening it for them.

"Reid man, what's wrong. I am staying the night remember?"

"No. I don't want you here. I need space to work things out. Go please." Garcia stood up with a stricken look on her face.

"Spencer, I didn't mean it…I was just surprised."

"Get out."

"I can't leave you here man!" Morgan was sounding annoyed. Litter bin kicking annoyed.

"No right you can't. I am a child. Damaged. Dangerous. Leave. I need to be alone."

_Get them out now!!!_

I am trying. They won't go.

"Spencer." Garcia sounding subdued.

"Garcia…please. I just want some space. Come back tomorrow."

………..

Reid stood with his back leaning on the door. He was breathing heavily.

They have gone.

_Good._

It was a gentle tap on the door. Reid opened it, knowing who would be there. Flanders entered the apartment. The embrace was long and hot. Floyd lifted Spencer off the ground and carried him to the bathroom.

They showered. They stood under the steamy water and enjoyed their time together. Pure pleasure.

In the morning Spencer awoke to the sound of hammering on his apartment door, and someone calling through his mail box.

"Reid, open the door or I will kick it in." Morgan was back.

Spencer was laying with Flanders curled up behind him. He could feel the warm breath on his neck. "Tell him to go away."

"Let go of me then." And with a sigh Reid got up and pulled a sheet up off the floor and wrapped it around himself. He walked on his still wobbly (for a few reasons now) legs and put the chain on the door and opened it.

"Derek, erm. Not now ok?"

"I need to take you back."

"Oh, no no…I'm not going back. I am OK here Derek." Forced smile.

"You got someone in there with you?" Sly grin.

"If I did I wouldn't tell you." More natural smile.

"Who the hell is it?" Trying to see in the room for a clue.

"Call back later. We will talk. Bit you now – erm busy right now."

Morgan's face took on several expressions; shock, disbelief, joy, anger, puzzlement.

"To talk? Reid I have to take you back. Gideon will have my ass if I don't." Words out of his mouth before he thought.

"Then it will be your lucky day. Goodbye Morgan. Chat later." Phone motion to face. "Call me." And the door was shut.

He walked slowly back to his room and sat on the side of the bed.

"He will be back. You need to go." Spencer whispered

"I don't feel like leaving just yet…..Move over here. I'm not finished with you yet."

……………


	20. Chapter 20 Hunter

Hunter

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is not mine.

It was the first afternoon that Spencer had been home. Floyd seemed unwilling to leave so when there was a knock on the door again Reid locked him in the bedroom. He went to the spy hole and had a look to see who it was. Crap Gideon. He will have to let him in.

He opened the door slowly. "Gideon?"

Jason walked in and Reid saw him scan the room. "What are you playing at Reid?"

Spencer walked to his chair and sat down heavily. "What do you mean?"

"You need to go back, you know you need to go back." Gideon was running fingers over the surfaces and looking at the full ashtray.

"I don't know that I need to go back at all! I am fine Jason. I just need some time and I will be back….Just give me some time."

"Reid, you need to come and empty your desk and you need to continue your treatment your medications." Gideon tried to look into Spencer's eyes, but Reid just looked at the familiar twisting hands in him lap.

"I'm not going back there. I don't need their medications, I am not sick in the head Jason. And yes – yes – of course I will come in to say goodbye and you know whatever. Or you can just throw it all away. I really don't care anymore. Can you leave now please?"

"You are smoking still?" Looking at the ashtray

"My life. I have decided to live it. The way I want to live it. I have had it with looking at ripped corpses and death. I need something else."

"And this? " gesturing the room "this is it?"

"Jason, I am grateful for everything you did, but I really need to do something for myself. You know?"

"Our chat in New Orleans……………."

Excitable voice with lots of gestures "Gideon I was not well then! You know that. I said those things to make you happy. Don't hold me for the rest of my life on one conversation we had when I was so drugged and depressed I couldn't think."

Gideon started to walk back to the door to leave. "You are well now?" a pause "One more thing Reid, if you are protecting him ……….."

"I'm not."

"You know how to contact me. I will stay in touch. This isn't the end."

"I will call you Jason. I will come in and empty my desk. Give me time to be able to get there. You know?"

He locked the door behind Jason and unlocked the bedroom door. The door swung open and the fist caught Reid just below his right eye. His balance which was still shot from previous damage now took a second hammering as he fell back and hit his head on the wall behind him. He lay stunned for a few seconds while Flanders watched.

"Don't you ever lock me in a room again. Next time I will hurt you. Get up."

"I I I'm sorry." Scrabbling to get up off the floor, but shaking from the shock. Flanders stepped over him to get to the lounge where he sat in Reid's chair and lit up.

"Get over here. I want to look at you."

Reid half crawled across the hardwood floor. Over the place where the delivery man had been slaughtered over the floor on his hands and knees his head still spinning and he knelt in front of Flanders. He was handed a smoke which he took in his shaking hands and put to his mouth, inhaling the deep noxious poisons.

"I need to go out. You will stay here and not answer the door or the phone. You will not use the computer."

"Where? – Where are you going?"

"We need food. I want to cook for you. I enjoy cooking for you."

"I I I can get food delivered. You don't – you don't have to g g go out."

They sat like this for 3 hours. Reid kneeling on the floor and Flanders sitting in the chair. They sat in silence, smoking and looking at each other. Reid was finding it hard to think. He was finding it hard to concentrate. All his thoughts seemed to be pulled in one direction only. To Flanders. He tired to go through something simple in his mind. Star Trek episodes, but couldn't even think of the name of the pilot episode. He was afraid, but unable to put it into words he thought Flanders might understand. They said no damage had been done, but considering it had just been a light tap to the chin (according to Flanders) this seemed excessive. Was he dying? Was his brain shutting down? He sat on his haunches and rocked back and forth slowly.

"Stop that."

Spencer looked up at Floyd. "Ssstop wh what?"

"Ya swaying. Stop it. It annoys me. I'm going out. Remember not to answer the door or phone or use the computer. And I will know if you have." He stood up and took Reid's keys and cell phone from the hall table then left.

Spencer sat in the dark. Staring at the walls and trying not to think. He lit up one after the other. He rolled up his shirt sleeve and looked at the marks slowly gathering there, he pressed the glowing end of the smoke to his arm. He felt nothing anymore not even this.

………….

No one heard Alexia scream. She didn't get the chance. The blade swept across her pretty white neck so fast and deep that for a while her brain tried to make her keep walking. She was butchered and when he had finished with her he stuffed her in a bin and set fire to her. He removed parts of her for use later, and carried on walking looking for someone else. The problem with hunting in the city was all the disease. A street walker would be easy to get, but you really don't want to that disease in infect you. Not like that.

He took what he needed from the young boy playing with a football in the ally way, and then stuffed him down the drain. They would find the body probably soon, but that was fine.

………….

When Flanders returned he dumped the things he had in the small kitchen then walked in the lounge to look for Spencer. Reid was sitting in the chair his head slumped forwards. There was an empty bottle of something on the floor and a smashed glass on the table.

"Spence?" No reply

He walked around to stand in front of him and slid his fingers through his hair and took hold and pulled his head up. "Spence, what have you done?"

Floyd could see the rise and fall of Spencer's chest, but his eyes were closed and his mouth open in a drunken sleep. He looked down at the burn marks on his arms. He knew Spencer had been doing that. He had no idea why he felt that urge but if that's what he wanted……he also noted the small cuts and the slithers of glass with red drying along the edges.

"Spence you make me so…….so angry! What he hell are you playing at? I go out to get us food and you sit there and cut yourself and drink until you are virtually unconscious? Why?" He slapped Reid hard across the face, "Wake up you bleeding freak."

Flanders picked Reid up under the arms and dragged him to the shower where he was unceremoniously dumped then stripped to his underwear. He made some odd moaning noises at the back of this throat, but Flanders ignored it and turned the shower on cold.

"Sort yourself out. I am cooking dinner." He stood as Reid lay in the shower and vomited the whisky he had been drinking all night. "Bloody idiot." Flanders remarked and went to the kitchen to grind up some nice fresh meat he had procured from somewhere.

………

Spencer awoke feeling colder than he had ever felt in his life. Colder than the time he fell asleep in the tub for three hours. This was a cold going right through him to his soul. He could vaguely hear water running and he could sense he was laying in water. Slowly and carefully he opened his eyes to a blinding white light. His stomach twisted in knots and his head was about to explode. He tried to kneel up but his co-ordination was so poor that he kept slipping back into the wet. Another nightmare. It had to be. His arms hurt, his face hurt, the back of his head felt like he had been hit with a brick. He was shivering so much he couldn't move now, so he stopped trying to get up and lay in the wet waiting for the nightmare to end and deliver him back to the comfort of his bed.

Hands were pulling at him and dragging him across the floor. He tried to resist them, he tried kicking out and grabbing at things to stop what was happening, but his hands wouldn't grip and his feet wouldn't kick. Someone was shouting at him, but he couldn't hear what it was and he could feel his body and limbs bumping into things and digging in and suddenly it was over and he could smell familiar smells of his bed. The comforting warmness of blankets covering him, and warm strong arms pulling him close.

"Hey you waking up now?" Floyd

"Uuunnn" Spencer

"I cooked for you. Now you can do something for me. You are very cold so I am going to warm you up again."

………….

Although it was far from unknown for a sudden rise in murders in the city and although the unsub had not picked the same kind of victim and although there seemed to be very little to connect them all that evening, it was the fact that they all had body parts missing, or simply just chunks cut off them which alerted the police and then the BAU that they had a rather nasty serial killer stalking their city.


	21. Chapter 21 Goodbye

Goodbye

_**A/N Just need to say to ppls…sorry for typos that creep in there. I don't use a beta, but I do check and double check, but stuff still gets by. Sorry about that. Love you all xoxoxoxoxox **_

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is not mine.

When Reid awoke in morning he was laying on his back alone. He felt like he might have exploded in the night and quickly checked for a nose bleed or something to indicate something bad had happened. Carefully he got up and pulled on his robe then walked on wobbly legs to the kitchen where he could smell cooking and coffee.

Floyd was up and dressed and looking happy. "Morning. Take a pew and tell me what last night was all about."

"Oh hey good morning. Last night?"

"You drank yourself into a stupor and cut your arms. What the hell are you trying to do?" Suddenly the happy face was gone. "I need you to get ready and to into work. I need you to collect your things and say your goodbyes." He was looking right into the pit of Reid's soul.

"I I f f f Floyd?" and his hands were twisting "I sorta don't f f feel t too good this – this morning."

"Then go get it over with. They will stop bothering us." Hard and unkind words falling from Flanders today. "Get on a sweater vest, shirt and tie, and your cords," Strange noise at the back of his throat. "Hell, stick your glasses on for a change. They will be falling over themselves to help you pack up and get out of their lives."

"Not today. I am still unsteady on my feet." Looking at the floor.

"Just do it. I would come and help you, but you know I don't think your friends like me. Be back for dinner. I am rehashing what you didn't eat yesterday."

Big sigh.

Reid got dressed, and slung his bag over his shoulder. "Can – can I have my – erm can I have my phone and keys?"

"You don't need to call anyone, and I will be here when you get back. Go now, get sorted and get back."

………….

It was a journey from hell. He had no seat on the train and twice stumbled and once ended up sitting on someone's lap. The stairs back up the street level may have well been a mountain, but he managed eventually somehow to be standing outside the building looking up at the windows. He really didn't feel up to doing this. He pulled his shirt sleeves down hard over his wrists and did his watch up a bit tighter. He was wearing his lucky Halloween socks. Lucky because of no reason other than he liked them. One was orange with black pumpkins the other green with little witches on them. He stood and thought of his socks for a while trying to waste time. But the fear that Flanders will know of this procrastination made him move into the building.

Security recognised him and just waved him through, and so tucking his hair behind his ears and pulling his clothes straight and tidy, he pressed the elevator button. The doors whooshed open and people got out, then he walked in and pressed the floor number for the BAU.

When the elevator finally stopped and the doors opened he was able only to take three steps into the office. All the familiar smells bringing memories flooding back to him. Times standing around in friendly huddles as if friends, times when he thought he fitted in. Almost fitted in. Those times will never be repeated now. Even if he recovered from whatever trauma they thought he was suffering, he knew they would never accept him again as one of theirs. He was an outcaste. The black sheep.

A hand touched his shoulder. "Reid?" It was Morgan. "Nice to see you." Untrue words. Don't believe this man. He deceives. He is a trickster with a nasty mouth. He made your life miserable when you first joined.

"I am here to see Hotchner." He was swaying. He was trying so hard not to, but the feeling was getting worse. "Derek, please, get Aaron for me."

Morgan looked at Reid. "He is in his office. I will help you." Morgan went to put an arm around Reid, but he flinched back and slapped him away.

"I I I don't n nneed your h hhelp." And very slowly and still feeling slightly drunk, Reid walked in a wobbly line and up to Aarons office."

He knocked gently and waited "Come in." the familiar voice said, and Reid opened the door and entered. He closed the door behind him and flipped the lock.

"Spencer. I wasn't expecting to see you." Hotch leapt up from his chair and went to Reid. "What happened to your face?" Fingers slowly tracing the new bruise forming.

"I fell." Looking at Aaron in the eyes and not knowing what to do with his hands. "I am still having problems with my balance."

Hotch nodded and took Reid by the arm and led him to the couch. "Sit." Looking at his watch.

"I I shouldn't have c c come." Now looking everywhere but at Aaron. "I need you to help me."

A sudden spark of hope slid across Aaron's mind. "What do you need?"

"I need to officially hand in my resignation and I need to say goodbye properly."

Hotch sat down next to him and gently laid a hand over Reid's. A quick glance secured his knowledge that the blinds were all shut, and Reid had locked the door. He slid a hand along Spencer's shoulder and pulled him close. "Who is hurting you?"

"No one." Soft voice. Hands seeking out Aaron. "I just can't go and not say goodbye."

"That is a fist mark on your face Spencer. Who did it? Are you still seeing Flanders?"

"I came to see you Aaron, can we forget about all that for now? Please?" shaking fingers fumbling with Aarons shirt buttons.

"You smell of whiskey and cigarettes."

Fingers searching for Reid's buttons under his sweater vest.

"I needed some comfort."

"You should have called for help." Mouths seeking mouths and hands seeking hair.

"mmmmmm"

Fingers running over skin.

Hot tears mingling with mouths.

………….

His things had already been packed into a couple of boxes. He stood and looked at them and wondered how the hell he was going to get them home. It was mainly books and papers he was writing. No photographs. Nothing of family or friendships. He went to look for Morgan.

He found him over by the coffee machine. "Morgan? I was – I was wondering."

Morgan turned to face the slightly swaying Reid. "Are you drunk?"

"What? No….I had a drink last night."

"Your shirt is un-tucked. You look a mess."

"Came to ask you if you could drop those boxes off for me. Like just leave them outside my door. Please?" He started to tuck his shirt back in and do up undone buttons.

"I will kill him Reid. You know I will kill him for what he has done. For what he is still doing to you."

"Don't know what you are on about. Can you drop the boxes off?" Looking at the wall behind Morgan.

"Then who hit you, and who did that to your arms. You think we don't notice? We are profilers. We know what is going on."

"I fell. That's a no on the boxes then?" and he started to turn.

"I will drop them off tonight. Reid, we still ok buddy. You need help you know where I am."

"I appreciate what you are saying Derek, but I am not a deprived child in need of help. I just don't have a car handy right now."

……….

He took the train home again and knocked on his door when he got back. It was opened and he walked in.

Floyd was waiting for him.

He smiled at Spencer and stood forwards to give him a 'welcome home' kiss, but froze.

"You bastard!" The look of pure rage and hatred coursed over his face.

"What!" Spencer was beginning to panic and made a move for the door.

"You smell of HIM! You dirty whore !" and Spencer felt those hard hands wrap around his throat. "I let you out of my sight and you do this to me?"

Reid tried to pry the fingers off from around his neck as the world turned a nasty shade of grey, then black.

…………………


	22. Chapter 22 Boxes

Boxes

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is not mine.

Flanders held Reid against the wall with his hands around his throat until his stopped struggling. Then dragged him into the bathroom and left him unmoving on the floor.

"You make me so angry when you act like a filthy rent boy." He slammed the door and turned the lock on the outside. He had had enough of Reid's little games. He was ready to kill someone.

Flanders paced around Reid's apartment in a rage throwing books and items to the floor in his uncontrolled temper. "You are so lucky you are not dead Spencer. No one has ever made me this cross and lived to see it."

Standing thinking. Had he lived to see it?

That turning in his stomach again. Like when he hit him in the car. That feeling of absolute panic. Flanders unlocked the bathroom door and opened it slowly. Reid hadn't moved.

"Spence?"

Nothing.

"Spence?" walking into the room and looking down at him. "Spence…you ok?" Prodding with his foot. "Wake up. Don't do this to me again."

"Spencer!" Bending down running fingers over his hair. "Come on now Spence." He noted the ugly bruises popping up on his neck. Good, this is good, this means he isn't dead. This means there is blood flow. Kneeling next to Spencer he ran a gentle finger over his face. "Wake up Spence." Quiet voice.

There was a sound. Outside the door. Someone was there. Flanders got up and went to the apartment door and looked through the spy hole. Morgan. Derek Morgan. Here. Flanders moved his hand slowly to the door latch and waited for Morgan to not be looking directly at the door, and he slipped the latch.

He returned to watching through the spy hole. Morgan stood and looked at the door, raised a fist and knocked. It swung slowly open with Flanders standing against the wall to allow it to open enough for Derek to enter.

Morgan pulled out his gun and called out "Reid, you in there?"

Flanders grabbed the gun as it showed around the door and bent Morgan's hand until his grip on the weapon was broken. Then he pulled Derek into the room using the gun as a club to the back of Morgan's head. Derek rode the hit and swung around to see who the attacker was. He was half expecting to see a drunk or drugged up Reid. His face showed surprise as the boot made contact with his groin and a pistol whip to the face sent Derek back across the hallway and against the half open bathroom door. The door opened then jammed on something inside the bathroom. Floyd held the gun up at Morgan, his face showing no emotion or expression.

"Get in there." Indicating the bathroom.

"OK OK." Stepping cautiously back into the room seeing Reid laying on the floor. "What the hell?"

"Sit. Sit on the floor." The muscle at his eye was twitching and his voice sounded almost manic.

Morgan sat on the floor and put a hand on Reid's shoulder "Reid man, you ok?"

"Don't – you – touch – him!" Shouting and spitting his words. "Don't talk to – him!"

"OK Flanders. You have me here, what do you want with me?" Trying to stay calm and not knowing if Reid was alive. He watched for movement of breathing but couldn't see because of the tangled way Reid was laying.

"I –didn't – want you –HERE!"

Morgan could sense that this madman was beginning to lose control over what was happening. "Put the gun down Flanders. Let's just talk this through." Not the best diplomat, he just wanted to blast the man's brains out.

"We can talk Derek. We can talk about the time you kicked me in the face. Want to talk about police brutality?"

"No, I want to talk about what happened here." Indicating Reid and slowly getting up off the floor. "I want to know what your plans are."

"My plans Agent Morgan." The gun had changed positions and was now pointing at Reid. "My plan is to splatter that freak perverts dirty whore brains over the bathroom porcelain, if you don't sit back down again."

Hands raised slowly Morgan went back down into a crouch, but he was ready to pounce as soon as Flanders made the mistake of getting too close. One step closer…one more…

"Check his pulse." Ordered Flanders.

"You told me not to touch him." But his hand was moving slowly towards Reid's neck where he could see bruises.

"Just do it. Carefully. Hurt him and you are dead." Still not standing close enough.

Morgan's hand touched Reid's skin half expecting it to be cold, the warmth though and the feel of the steady pulse was a huge relief. Morgan nodded. "He is OK. Now what? He shouldn't be left here. Let's move him to the bedroom." Trying now to turn the situation to a 'lets help Reid' one.

………….

Reid felt Morgan checking his pulse. He lay unmoving trying to figure out what to do and how to get everyone out alive. Derek wasn't meant to be here. Reid tried to figure out why he was on the floor in the bathroom, and why Derek was there, and why the hell Floyd had let him in. His head was spinning and his neck hurt in that familiar 'I have been choked again' way.

He felt Morgan's hands grip him under the arms, and he heard Flanders voice, "NO! no leave him!" and suddenly Derek let go. Reid opened his eyes to see Morgan moving at lightning speed at Flanders. He knew someone was going to die as he watched them both fly backwards in a tangle of fists and elbows. Reid saw the gun go flying and marked where it had fallen. Morgan was on top of Flanders, fist after angry fist pounding into his face.

Slowly Spencer crawled towards where the gun had fallen. His head still spinning and eyes not focusing properly it felt like it had taken for ever to reach the weapon. He gripped it in both hands and pointed it at the two fighting men.

"S s s stop – stop it" Voice hardly above a whisper. "NO!" and he fired the gun into the bathroom/lounge dividing wall. The two men looked over at Spencer who had swung the gun back to their general direction. He was going to pass out. He could see the greyness clouding around his foggy eyes again and the room was spinning. He could feel himself sliding forwards from his kneeling position, and the gun dropping from numb fingers.

He wasn't aware of the cord wrapping its way around Derek's neck. He couldn't see the black eye and bruises on Flanders face and the bloodied nose, or the fear and pain on Derek's face as the air stopped reaching his lungs and he went limp in Flanders arms.

Morgan was dragged into the bathroom and Flanders used the handcuffs to secure him to the radiator. He would be ok. Just a bit battered. It was Spencer he was worried about, so with another kick to the face of the resting Morgan………..he caught sight of his face in the mirror.

"You bastard, what have you done to my face!" and all thoughts of Spencer were gone as he washed the blood and snot off his face. Morgan's phone bleeping brought him back to now. He pulled the phone from Derek's belt and dropped it down the toilet. Then went to the main door and closed and locked it. Finally turning to look at Spencer laying in a lump in the lounge.

"Spencer?" touching him gently and getting a moan back. "Spence we need to go. I will take you to the car. We have to be fast, help me out a bit will you?"

All he got back was another moan. "Damnit Spence! Get up and help me will you?"

He pulled him up to his feet where he stood and swayed then started to fall again. "Floyd?" and more mumbled words.

Flanders let Reid back down to the floor and ran for the kitchen. The uneaten food was laying there ready to be served. A waste, but not to be helped. He grabbed a dish cloth and ran back to the bathroom where he took Derek's keys and gagged him with the cloth.

"You are so lucky. If you were Aaron you would be dead. You know that don't you?"

He left Derek there and closed and locked the door behind him. Nice. Now they have a car for a short while. He won't be missed yet.

Floyd had a nose bleed. That Morgan had smacked him with his fists pretty hard, but he pulled Reid to his feet again and grabbed his messenger bag, and the two of them staggered from the apartment.

Spencer could still not focus properly. His head was spinning, and he could feel his eyes twitching. He was going to be sick. He needed to lay down, but his weak protests as he was stuffed in the elevator and then half dragged across the car park went un-noticed. Flanders used the key to locate Morgan's car and helped Reid into the back, and he laid him down and pulled the straps around him. There was a blanket stuffed down the back of the car seat which Flanders then covered Spencer over with.

"We are going to be ok Spence. As soon as you stop whoring, then we will be ok."

……………

Garcia tried to call Morgan again, and still got no reply. She sat in her open top car and wondered where the hell he was. They were going out to watch a game at the bar. He was very late.

Pen knew he was going to drop the stuff off at Reid's place first, so she finally gave in and called Reid. It rang a few times before the answer-phoned kicked in.

"I'm not here right now. Please leave your name and message after the tone." Pen started at the receiver. That was not Spencer's voice.

She hit speed dial and another voice answered "Hotchner."

"It's Garcia. Something is wrong. I just called Spencer to see if Derek had turned up and well his answer-phone came on. But it wasn't Spencer's voice. I am sure it was Flanders. I can't get hold of Derek. He isn't picking up."

"Garcia, do not go over there. I will send a team."

……….

Spencer could feel the movement of the car, but his brain wouldn't permit him to rationalise what was happening. He was laying down. He was covered. He was in pain.

He remembered Aaron. Was he with Hotch. He could remember holding Hotch and Hotch holding him back.

"Aaron?" A quiet voice. A whisper.

The movement stopped and someone was pulling him from the car and over grass. He opened his eyes to see who it was, but was still spinning and unfocused.

"Who are you?" Another whisper. Unheard.

Now someone leaning over him and fingers running over his face. "You know how easy it would be to kill you right here and now?"

Flanders. Memories flooding back

"You need to stop messing with me Spence. It's going to kill you. I don't know how much more you can take. You go near Aaron Hotchner again and it will be he I kill….and you will watch. I will skin him alive and eat his flesh. Can you hear me?"

A very small nod. "I'm sorry"

"You promise to stop whoring?"

"Yes."

"You admit you are a dirty son of a bitch?"

"Yes."

"Well I suppose that must be why I love you so much." A gentle ruffling of the hair. "Wait there. I am getting transport."

Hot tears running down Spencer's face as he rolled onto his side and pulled his knees up and hugged them.

………….


	23. Chapter 23 Repairs

Repairs

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is not mine.

They drove for hours. Reid laying on the back seat un-moving and silent. Flanders was sure this time the damage was permanent. But it wasn't his fault. Reid was messing around. He needed to learn not to. He had to learn the rules. Maybe this time the message had got through, or maybe this time it had gone much too far. All the lack of oxygen he had suffered over the months eventually would take its toll. Had he spoiled that wonderful brain? Had he destroyed this wonderful love?

They pulled up near a motel. The sky was dark and the flashing old sign said there were vacancies. The stolen car was parked out of sight of the main road and the view of the reception. Flanders helped Reid get out of the car.

"Where are we?" Confused look on Spencer's face.

"I'm getting us a room for the night." And Flanders pulled Reid's arm over his shoulder.

"Er – no no don't. They will be looking for us Floyd. Go get a room, then come back for me."

"I'm not leaving you here." Look of concern at the broken face of the man he loved.

"I'm fine. Go get a room. Come back for me. And Floyd, stop looking at me like I am about to die. I'm going to be ok."

"You can't stand up. How is that OK?"

"Just go will you, and then I can lay down on a bed. Please?"

"Promise you wont go anywhere?" Flanders slowly walking away.

"That is hardly likely. Come here a minute." And he walked quickly back again.

Reid who was leaning on the car pushed Floyd's hair off his face and kissed him on the nose. "Try to be polite to them in there and smile. Don't make them get suspicious. Be careful."

He left Spence at the car and walked quickly to the reception of the slightly run down complex. He pushed open the door which made a small bell tinkle somewhere in a back room. A skinny young woman walked through the rear door and smiled.

"Evening sir, you needing a room?" He smiled easily back at her and requested a double room for the night, maybe a bit longer. Yes he had a car – and gave false number, yes he had a name, and gave false name, yes he had someone with him, and gave Spencer a false name too. He spoke in his best Vegas accent, and smiled happily giving the girl cash and a small tip in advance of the sandwiches he was ordering. He then went back to get Spencer. At first he couldn't see him. Where the hell was he? Then he noticed is slumped form on the ground. Flanders was getting seriously worried about this now. He didn't seem to be able to stay awake. He knew he should take him somewhere, but he also knew that they would both either die or be caught and imprisoned at the very least. Reid had happily kept him at his apartment and not reported it. He had harboured a very wanted man and was in huge trouble for this. They would have found Morgan by now. There was no way Floyd could take Reid to a hospital.

Anyway, it was just concussion. You get over that without help.

"Spence?" Flanders pulled him up to sit, his eyes stared out unfocused.

"Oh erm – I fell." Confused questioning voice.

"Come on, I have a room. Just try to walk a bit ok?" And with arms over shoulders the two of them walked slowly to room 18.

……………………….

The puzzle seemed to be how two men who had very distinctive appearances had managed to just disappear of the face of the earth. No one seemed to have seen them. Flanders face was stuck in shop windows, and sadly so was Reid's again. 'Wanted. Dangerous. Do No Approach.'

Derek had been located fairly quickly and his report was taken with sad and worried eyes. He gave Hotch accusing angry eyes, and Aaron ignored them his heart full of pain at what was going on. He just wanted Reid back and safe and maybe there to hold again and keep safe, but until Flanders was completely eradicated there was no hope. This had gone on for too long. There was too much damage done to all of them now. They had found Morgan's car. They had obviously changed vehicles. It was not going to be easy chasing down too men with such genius brains. They had traces on hospitals for any reports of two men arriving at A&E. The police were looking. Everyone was looking. They just were not seeing.

…………………

It was two whole days before Reid finally opened his eyes again. The room was still, and the fog was fading. He was laying on his front, and he felt strangely content with life. The room it seemed was full of smoke, and the smell of must and sweat. He rolled over carefully on the bed to see if Floyd was there. The bathroom door was open and the light on.

"Floyd?" small unused croaky voice. There was no reply. Carefully he tried to get to his feet, and in a very wobbly unstable way he walked to the small bathroom. Floyd was sitting on the edge of the bath with his head in his hands. "Floyd?" worried voice now.

His head shot up. "Spence. My god Spence go back to bed!" and he was there helping Reid back to sit down.

"What's wrong?" Reid was looking into that face he knew so well. It looked wrong. There was something wrong. "Talk to me. What's happened?"

"You must be hungry and thirsty. I will get you something. Coffee…you will need coffee. Let me get you coffee?"

A small nod, but still looking at the face. Deep dark rings forming under his eyes which were red-rimmed. His face too white. His hands shaking. A nose bleed?

"Coffee will be great. What's happened?" Very quiet concerned voice. Something was wrong.

"Nothing's happened." A smile. A forced pained smile. "I was worried is all."

"I am a profiler. I know when you are being untruthful. Get me coffee then we talk ok?"

There was a small facility for making coffee in the room so Floyd stood and made a brew for Spencer. He could feel Reid's eye boring into his back. "Stop that. Stop trying to figure out something you can't." He put the coffee on the table next to Reid as blood started to drip from Floyds nose again.

"What have you done to yourself?" Reid asked with a worried face. "Have you got smokes? Are you doing drugs?"

"Hey." And a smile again, but more natural. "Stop worrying about me ok?" He sat down next to Reid and wiped the blood away with his sleeve. "I've been getting headaches and nosebleeds. I will be fine. It's worry. You are awake now, I don't have to worry." He passed a lit smoke over to Reid. "These will be the death of you." He pulled out a hip flask and took a long swig.

"Oh and it wont be of you?" A smile. This felt good. This was when he felt so happy. Just the two of them. Nothing to worry about, but something was wrong. Something had changed in Floyd. He looked worried. He just didn't have that expression normally. "I will be OK you know."

"Yes yes I know you will." Put the coffee down for a minute will you. He wiped blood from his nose again as a small tear crept down his face. "I have been waiting for you to wake up so I can do this properly." And his lips brushed Reid's and hands got tangled in hair, and cigarettes got left in ash trays and the coffee went cold. They fell asleep holding each other, but when Reid awoke a small while later he was alone and the bathroom door was open again. He pulled sheets up around himself and wobbled to the bathroom

"Floyd?" He looked in to see him kneeling on the floor vomiting in the toilet.

"Spence, go back to bed." Floyd was dressed as though to go out.

"You going somewhere?" Walking into the bathroom

"Fresh air. I need some fresh air. I think I – I think…." Puzzled look…I just need air and he pushed by Reid and left the small room they were staying in.

………….

Spencer lit up and got a whiskey from the bottle on the side. He sat on the bed and drank, and he smoked and he burnt his arms. Floyd had been gone a long time. He had been gone over an hour.

He drank.

He smoked.

He got a razor from the bathroom and he cut.

Floyd had been gone all day.

He ordered more drink, which was delivered by a young woman with a nice smile.

"You ok? You need to erm….pay or get out by tomorrow." She looked around the room. "Your friend left." A statement.

"Yes he left."

Reid sat and drank until he couldn't see straight. He cut until he couldn't feel anymore. He smoked until he had none left, and now he had to leave.

Floyd had been gone three days.

Reid collected his things and stood outside the motel room. He had no recollection on how he got here. He had no money. He had no way to contact Floyd. Options now, call Aaron. Call Gideon. Carry on walking until he fell of the edge of the world. He tried to call out with his mind to Floyd, but there was nothing. This had happened before, he had lost the contact before, but the thought of it was filling him with dread now.

He walked slowly to the phone booth and took change from his jacket pocket.

The phone rang a few times

"Hotchner." The voice said.

He slammed it down again. No…he had promised not to contact Aaron. He felt completely lost. He felt dirty and he was definitely a bit…more than a bit drunk. He stank of old smoke of alcohol. He was sweaty and dirty and had no money. He started to walk. Spencer had no idea where he was going, but he was going to go there alone.

………………


	24. Chapter 24 Walking

Walking

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is not mine

Spencer didn't know where to go or what to do. He had a small handful of change in his pocket and no idea where he was. He had a good idea people would be looking for him, though hopefully not with the same intensity as they would be looking for Floyd. Then again it was thought that they were together. He would have to be careful.

He walked as far as he could down the road where the motel was, then took a turn and started along a slightly larger road. The traffic was light, and he kept to the grass verges, afraid even to look up in-case he was recognised. It had started to get dark, and he was thinking 'crap its getting dark' when truck pulled up and blew its horn at him…..The driver looked out of the window.

"You are miles from anywhere mate. Need a ride?"

Reid looked around nervously. Deep paranoia that he was being watched or monitored in some way had set in.

"Erm..yes please." And he jogged over to the door which was swinging open for him. "Thank you." He felt this was wrong. He shouldn't be doing this. He almost declined and walked away again, but the fear of being out here alone – if he was alone – overcame the fear of what it was he was feeling – whatever it was!

He climbed up and settled in. Taking off his messenger bag and putting it at his feet. He was asked where he was going and answered it with "I don't know where I am." The trucker was ok with that and they carried on. Reid sat with his arms wrapped tightly around himself. He felt exposed and nervous. The trucker offered him a cigarette which he happily accepted.

Reid went into a content trance as they truck belted down the road. He looked out of the front window looking at nothing and thinking of nothing. Resting hie brain from the fear of not being with Flanders, and the fear that Flanders was not coming back.

"You ok?" the sudden voice brought Reid back to now.

"Erm."

"What the hell you doing that for?"

Reid looked down and saw a row of new burns along his wrist. "I I erm."

"Gonna be stopping over soon, for a drink and stuff."

"Ah."

"You don't say much do you?"

"Sorry. Just erm."

"It's ok…you can join me for coffee though?"

"That I think would b b be g great." Hands now in lap twisting and twisting.

The truck pulled over. It pulled over into the edge of the road and the trucker turned to look at Reid. "Coffee?"

"Erm…yes." Reid took the mug of hot sweet brew and sipped it carefully.

"So you going to tell me what you are doing out here all on your own?" Was the trucker smirking? Reid was finding it hard to tell…he was suddenly very very tired. He opened his mouth to say something as the man took the mug from his hand and Reid slid sideways in the seat.

……………….

Reid woke up feeling very uncomfortable. Something bad had happened he could tell by the way he was laying across the trucks front bench seats. He could feel something cold and heavy on his back, and something cold and wet over the back of his head and the sides of his face. He tried to pull himself out of where he was but the dead weight on his back had pinned him down. He was in a state of slight undress….shirt opened and pulled up. He struggled and wriggled until he had managed to get out from what was pressing down on him. He dropped down into the passenger foot well and looked up. He screamed. He grabbed his messenger bag opened the door and jumped out of the truck. Stuff was falling off the back of his head, and running down his face onto his skin where his shirt was undone. He ran….he ran into the woods holding his clothing together and vomiting as stuff flicked and ran out of his hair and down his back.

He ran blindly until he saw a small stream running through the tranquil woods. He stripped off and got in the water making sure his head was submerged and washed out bits of brain and bone from his hair and off his clothes. He then just sat in the water and cried. Now all his clothes were wet and he was cold. Eventually pulling himself from the water he had a rummage through his messenger bag for anything….chewing gum…or a stray mint. He found a stack of the smokes Floyd carried. He took one out with trembling hands and found a lighter, and lit it. His hair hung in big wet clumps.

"Floyd? What the hell are you playing at?" Nothing. "Why are you doing this?"

He sat until his clothes weren't quite dripping then pulled them on over his cold skin and just stayed where he was and pulled out a bottle of drink and some more smokes. He found a small penknife and made his arm bleed and watched it trickle down his wrist.

He sat in the long grass and rocked and drank whiskey until he fell backwards and couldn't move. Silent tears running down his dirty face, and insects crawling over his damp clothes.

As he lay in his drunken sleep, someone came by and turned him onto his side. Food was put in his messenger bag, and his bottle of drink was refreshed. Someone sat with him in the dark and very gently ran his fingers over Reid's lips and wiped the tears away with his thumb. But he didn't wake him and he didn't talk to him and when Reid woke in the morning the person had gone, and Spencer was alone again.

He washed in the stream. His head was screaming with pain, and his stomach was trying to eat itself with hunger. He picked up the bottle and saw that he hadn't drunk as much as he thought he had and opened his bag to put it in. There were packs of cook bits of meat and berries in there. He found a log and sat. his clothes were disgustingly filthy. He had ground in dirt on his knuckles, and he smelt of stale sweat and dirt. The water had washed away the bits but not the smells. There was a distinctive smell of death about Spencer Reid this morning. He opened up one of the food packets and nibbled on the sweet tender meat, and chewed on the berries.

"Thank you Floyd wherever you are." He looked around to see if there was any sign he had been there. Apart from his restocked bag there was nothing.

He sat on his log and nibbled and then lit up and looked off into nowhere. "I don't know what to do. I need you with me. I am lost. Please come back."

…………..

Results were back and the team were sitting in the round room looking at Hotch who was meant to have all the answers.

"The kitchen." He started with. "We found food stuffs in Reid's fridge. Human remains in his freezer. DNA has come back positive on the spate of murders we had in the city a few days ago. There were also internal organs found, hearts, livers, and brain. There was also a large amount of erm…flesh which had been cooked and prepared for eating."

The other team members just stared at Hotch. Morgan spoke, "We have no proof Reid did that."

"It was in Reid's apartment Morgan. Reid was living there. We need more proof?"

"Well yes, we need proof he killed these people and we need proof he was – he was – eating them. I have never known Reid to cook. We need proof that he knew what was going on. I saw him. He didn't have a clue what was happening. That Flanders has him so twisted and confused."

"The bedroom. Mixed DNA..I don't need to go into further details there. Bathroom the same. There have been two people living in Reid's apartment for some time. Reid, and someone far less organised, but who likes to cook. Flanders."

……………

Spencer stood. He couldn't sit on the log forever, and Floyd wasn't going to show himself, so he started to walk. Away from the truck along the bank of the small stream. He would stop occasionally and look around him. Someone was watching. Someone was there.


	25. Chapter 25 Guilty

Guilty

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is not mine.

Which way?

_It doesn't matter in the end_

I don't want to be out here at night.

_Where do you think you can go?_

I am thinking about that.

_They will be looking for you._

_And not in a good way._

_They think you are still together._

_They will know you were in that truck._

I didn't do anything wrong.

_You didn't?_

In the truck. I didn't do anything wrong.

_They won't see it that way though will they._

_Are you hiding through your own free will? Are you being coerced into this? _

It's my choice.

_Then if you have done nothing wrong, what are you running from Spencer?_

…………..

Reid sat on a grassy ledge and listened to the familiar boyhood voices rushing through his head.

They were right. They always were. He searched in his bag and found something to drink, and something to nibble on. He had no idea what to do. If he couldn't contact who he felt he needed to because Floyd was out there watching. Watching him struggle through this alone. Why was he doing this?

"Floyd?" No answer.

Floyd? No answer there either, just the buzzing of the old voices arguing and hissing in the background.

He couldn't go home. He had no money. He had only that which he carried.

_What are you running from Spencer?_

"Stop it. Stop it!!" He got up and started to run through the woods…no long caring if he was seen. What was he running from? He was a victim wasn't he?

He didn't do anything to the trucker. That wasn't him! He needed to tell someone.

………….

The trucker had been found and the CSU were called.

"The passenger was not trying to hide the fact he or she was here." They were saying. "Fingerprints and DNA all over the place. Though I suspect some of this is not necessarily from when this happened. This guy seemed to have liked to have his way in the front of his truck."

Strands of hair was found. Slightly wavy. A button from a shirt. Finger prints on the door handle, inside and out. A coffee mug contents spilled taken away to see who had been drinking it. Taken away to gather evidence against who blew Mr Green's brains all over his truck.

The fingerprint results threw back at them flashing red warnings. They were from a wanted man. An FBI agent.

Appropriate people were informed. Stomach's knotted and one FBI agent locked himself in his office.

……………

Reid stumbled into the outskirts of a small village. Little movement. Cars driving slowly, and kids playing in the street. His heart was pounding too fast and his breathing was rough and shallow. He had an idea. Someone who could maybe help him. All he needed was enough money to make the call. Where to get money? How to get money? He looked down at the state of his clothes. He was screwed up and filthy. He had buttons missing from his shirt, and rips in the knees of this trousers. He pulled his tie straight and tucked in his shirt in a feeble attempt not to look like a psychopath who had been living in the woods and put his shaking hands in his pockets. He had to control the shaking. It was vital. Quickly he took a drink from his now nearly empty bottle and took a smoke and lit up. He stood leaning against a tree and waited for the sweats and shakes to pass.

Spencer entered the half full diner and looked around. "Can I help you son?" voice of the woman behind the counter.

"Erm, bathroom?"

She pointed him in the right direction and he walked slowly and slightly drunken towards the door she had pointed to. A man in a suit bumped into Reid nearly knocking him off his feet. Reid said "Sorry" The guy gave him a dirty look.

He entered a stall and locked the door behind him. The wallet was full of cash. His lucky day. He took the money and hid the wallet behind the cistern, flushed and left the stall again. He then returned to the counter and asked for strong sweet coffee and a phone. The coffee slid along the counter and he was directed to a call box on the wall. Slowly he went over and rang a number. He waited sipping on his coffee. He asked to be put straight through to the number and he waited. He was stuffing coins into the slot when a voice finally came on the line.

"Hello?"

"Mahoney?"

"Who's this?"

"Spencer. Reid." whispering.

"Can hardly hear you….who are you?"

"It's me. Reid. Glasses and hair."

"What the hell? What's wrong?"

"I need your help with something."

"Don't know how much help I will be."

"I want you to contact Agent Hotchner for me. I will give you the number."

"Wait wait up boy, what's going on? I have already had threats from some friend of yours."

"I really can't explain. Please Mahoney, call the number for me." And he gave a number. "Tell him it wasn't me. Tell him I didn't kill him. Tell him I am sorry."

"Why will he listen to me?"

"Just try. Please." And he put the phone down.

He drank the last of his coffee and left the diner and walked slowly back down the road to the tree he had previously made his home. He put his back to it and slid down until he was sitting.

……………

_Who did you just call?_

Floyd! Reid stood up, a bit too quickly and his head started to swim and that greyness snuck around the edges of his vision. He sat down again

_Who – did - you – call?_

Where the hell are you?

_In your head._

Then you know who I called.

_Get out of sight of the road. People are staring at you._

Why did you leave like that?

_I needed to. Get away from the road and tell me who you called._

Reid half crawled his way over the grassy bank and into the tree-line.

Where are you?

_Did you contact Aaron?_

No

_Are you sure?_

Yes. Where are you?

_Watching. Get up and move. You are wanted for questioning. They will find you._

Reid got up and started to walk back into the woods.

……………

Hotch was still in his office doing not much but think. His cell rang and he looked at the caller ID…unknown. He frowned at it and flipped it open.

"Hotchner."

"Oh hi. Good. I erm….I got a call from someone." Hotch was trying to work out if he knew the voice. "I got a call and was asked to contact you."

"Who is this?"

"Mahoney. I got to know Reid. Erm…he erm…called me."

White knuckles on the phone "What did he say? Where is he?"

"He said to tell you he didn't do it, and he didn't kill him, and he is sorry."

"Where did he call from?"

"I don't know, but he was a good kid – look after him." And the phone was cut off the other end.

……………

It was raining. His already damp clothes were getting wetter. He was more tired than he ever thought he could be. He was getting cravings. Cravings he hadn't had for a long time, but it would make this all go away. For while anyway. At least it would let him sleep. With the rain came the darkness, and with the darkness the fear. He knew that this stupid fear of the dark was pathetic compared with everything else. He found some shelter under a big old tree and thought about the time Hankel had stood by the tree and watched him dig his own grave. Thinking about it now he wished he had. At least this pain wouldn't be there. At least he would be sleeping.

He checked his bag for food and smokes. Nothing. He chugged back the last drop of drink and sat with his head drooping forwards and his knees up tight.

Maybe if he fell asleep now he would just die and become part of the forest and it will be over. No one need know. It will be his secret. No one will have to find him, or mourn for him. No one will know. They will assume he just ran off and changed his name. He looked in the bag for the knife and sat looking at it. His head was swimming with alcohol and whatever was in the food and smokes, he couldn't think. Everything was grinding to a slow very painful stop.

"I'm – I'm going t t t sleep"

And he rolled over onto his side. He lay and looked through his fuzzy swimming eyes at the burns and cut marks on his arm.

He pushed up his sleeve and looked at the length of arm from wrist to elbow he would have to slice, and slowly pressed the blade against his skin.

"Shsh, no." a gentle voice and a hand over his. "No Spence."

……………………


	26. Chapter 26 Lesson1

Lesson1

**A/N bad bad bad bad bad….if you are sensitive to bad…don't read!!!!! Thank you sooo much.**

_Napoleon Bonaparte once said: As for me, to love you alone, to make you happy, to do nothing which would contradict your wishes, this is my destiny and the meaning of my life._

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is not mine

Floyd took the penknife from Spencer and slipped it into his own pocket. "You are shaking Spence."

"I I I'm s s s so ccccold." His teeth chattered together.

"Take those wet thing off then. Why didn't you get something else to wear?" Floyd took off his coat and helped Spencer strip some of his wet things off then wrapped the coat back around both of them "This will keep us warm until your things are dry."

"W w why d d did you do that?" He was cold and thin in Floyd's arms. He had noticed over the past year how Reid had managed to get his weight up from that almost anorexic look to a normal weight, but it had all fallen off again in the weeks he had been ill and not eating properly. His bones stuck out, and he felt frail and sick.

"Why did I do what?" hot breath on Reid's neck.

"Leave me – leave m m me in the the t t truck ccc covered in……."

"You needed a lesson Spence. Never hitch. I didn't hurt you. I could have. I wanted to…Yes I wanted to so much, but I thought that a good lesson."

"I I I d d d didn't nneed it." He voice getting quieter as his eyes closed and his body sucked up warmth from Flanders.

"He was raping you Spence. You needed it."

"No…….." anything else said was lost as Reid fell asleep. Flanders held him close for a while then carefully moved away and built a small fire. It was cold but at least the rain had almost stopped. He hung what clothes Reid had removed up to dry near to the fire then prepared some meat for them both to nibble on later. Flanders leaned over the fire to make sure the meat was cooking properly. There was a soft hiss was blood dripped from Floyd's nose into the flames.

"Son of a bitch." He complained and savagely wiped his nose on his encrusted sleeve. "You whore dog son of a bitch." And he looked over at Spencer. "You phoned Mahoney you freak. You broke the rules."

…………

When Reid awoke he had warm arms wrapped around him again, and the smell of cooking wafted over. He piercing coldness from yesterday had gone, and for a short while he felt content, but something didn't feel quite right. He tried to move his arms, but they had been secured tightly behind his back. He started to struggle against them and try to turn over to attempt to get to his feet.

"Stay still." Floyds hot breath on the back of his neck, then the feel of his mouth kissing gently. "I'm not done yet. Stay still."

"Untie me! Floyd what the hell?!" His voice rising in panic.

"I keep having to teach you the same lesson over and over again" And Reid was pulled closer with his back to Flanders. "I asked you Spence. I thought you understood. No contact. You broke the rules again, like the dirty whore you are. So here you are. A gift from me. I will treat you like you want to be treated." And a hand wrapped its way around Reid's protesting mouth "Shut up dog."

……………

Reid sat next to the fire in his now crusty but dry clothes rocking gently watching Flanders collect up their things.

"I didn't – I didn't contact Aaron." He said quietly. Eyes huge and watching.

"I didn't say you – contacted – AARON"! Shouting and throwing things. "I said you broke the rules. Don't argue with me. I watched you. I saw. I KNOW! I heard you!" Running over to Reid and pulling him to his feet by his hair. "Pick your crap up dog."

"You have lost your mind Floyd?" A low voice through gritted teeth. "You ran out on me. You covered me in someone's brains, and you expected me to say 'thank you'?"

"aarrgghhh You have no bloody idea do you?!" Throwing bits of undergrowth at Spencer, who was batting it away and trying to dodge.

"Stop it! No I have no idea, because you won't tell me! It's all some great secret you are k k k keeping to to to yourself! Maybe you need to start to share?"

"Why did you call Mahoney?" Watching Spencer closely. "I need you to tell me what you said to him. I need to know you can be honest with me Spence."

"I I I…..You wont like it, but I needed to do this. I asked him to phone the BAU and tell him – them tell them….tell the team it wasn't me."

Floyd dropped the handful of sticks he was holding at walked towards Reid. "Wasn't you what?"

"Who killed the Trucker. I need – wanted I wanted to tell him – them to tell them it wasn't me."

"Spence, who the hell was it then if it wasn't you?" Locking eyes and travelling down to Reid's soul.

"It I it – it was – it wasn't me!" Trying to pull his eyes away from Flanders.

"Then you accuse me? You contacted Aaron Hotchner to tell him that it was ME who killed the trucker?" Sad and puzzled face.

"Yes. NO! no no Floyd I never said that. You are putting words into my mouth. I never said that."

"You may as well have. I save you from what that _thing_ was going to do to you, and you run and tell _Aaron _it was me?"

Flanders broke the eye contact and went over to the fire – he had been cooking up something in a pan and poured some of the mixture into a tin mug for Reid. "Drink. It will calm you down and warm you up."

"What is it?" smelling it cautiously. Spencer was used to these sudden violent mood swings. Headaches and nosebleeds. He would advise hospital if this was any other person. "I don't need to be calm. I am calm. Stop drugging me and getting me drunk. Let me think for a change. Let me be me."

"Its not drugged. All natural. Just drink." And Flanders poured some for himself and drank back in big gulps the lumpy watery salty grey mixture.

Reid almost gagged on it but Flanders was watching so he kept drinking. "All natural what though?" And through all this he tried to smile. "Mmm yum." And a grimace.

………

There were road blocks. The call to Mahoney had been traced back to the diner via the prison calls record system. They had a description of Reid. Not the Reid they would have recognised. They had a report that he lifted someone's wallet in the diner. He had been alone. He looked to be in pain or distress. No they hadn't asked questions, he looked like he could have been dangerous. He had ordered very sweet strong coffee…he had walked into the woods in that 'pointing' direction. Hopefully he won't be back.

Hotch stood and looked at the base of the tree where they said he had sat. The area of flattened grass was still obvious and Morgan pointed out where it looked like he had crawled back into the wooded area. They began their pursuit.

The trail they followed showed someone walking slowly and erratically. But it was a single person. At first. After a while it seemed like a double track. The first person was being followed.

A hand went to Hotch's shoulder. "Hotch, you ok?"

Hotch stopped walking and turned to look at Morgan. "We need to find him, shall we keep going?"

"What will we find?" Worried look on Morgan's face.

"I don't know, so we need to stay open minded and just do our job. Treat this as we would any other case." Hard look on his face showing nothing.

"But it's not. This is Reid."

"I am aware of that Morgan. Now shall we move?" Talking through gritted teeth.

They started walking again. Guns ready, following the trail the rangers where taking. Further into the forest.

………………

Flanders kicked earth over the fire and packed the things together. Reid just stood and watched. Whatever it was he had just drank was vile and making him feel woozy and sick. He didn't resist when his hands were pulled back behind his back and secured with rope. Flanders tied the other end of the rope to his belt.

"Whaaa waa i nat"? Spencer's words refused to form.

"It's Ok Spence. It will just make you comply a bit easier. It's ok." Flanders hands shot to his face "Ah…headaches damned son of a bitch headaches!" When he took his hand away from his face it was covered in blood pouring from his nose.

"Waaa sa blee?!" Spencer moved forwards. He wanted to make it better for Floyd who had a look of horror on his face. Clots of blood fell from his nose and crawled down his chin. "Untie me!" But Floyd just looked confused and stood looking at his hands as his knees buckled under him, and he fell on his face in the dirt. The length of rope meant Reid was pulled down too. He could hear the low moans coming from Flanders, but they way they fell meant he couldn't see him. He could feel Floyd trying to move, and then nothing. A horrible deathly silence.

"Floyd! Waasup? Waakeup!" But Reid's head was getting fuzzier and as he tried to pull himself closer to the man he was tied to, his eyes closed and he fell into a world of nightmares.

………….


	27. Chapter 27 Lesson2

Lesson2

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is not mine.

_A man of genius makes no mistakes. His errors are volitional and are the portals of discovery – James Joyce._

They entered a small clearing. Guns raised. There was no movement. Morgan and Hotch walked slowly to the 2 forms laying on the ground. Hotch's stomach was tied in knots of fear. There was no sound. Reid was laying on his side facing them, his hands behind his back, his mouth slightly open and his eyes closed.

Flanders was behind him laying on his front. One arm out in front of him, the other laying over Spencer's shoulders. Hotch bent down slowly and put a hand to Reid's neck. His hand was shaking expecting to feel the coldness of death. His hand snapped back as the feel of the steady pulse registered.

"Medic!…get the medics over here!" and he was pulling at Reid and cutting at his bonds, dragging him away from Flanders.

There was a sudden rush of movement. Derek did the same on Flanders and found also a pulse. Shallow and hardly there, but he was alive. This was good. Gave Morgan more chances to kill him. They turned Flanders over and looked at his face. The man was obviously very ill. He had been laying in a pool of deep red blood which was still dripping from is nose. His eyes were dark rimmed and his lips had a blue tint to them.

"We need a medic here too."

They had them…they were both alive. Reid was safe. Maybe…please he is safe! Hotch walked next to Reid as the medics walked the two of them back out of the forest. He put his hand over Reid's and felt Spencer's hand twitch under his and pull away.

………….

He withdrew into himself. They half expected it to happen. He refused to talk to anyone. He refused to eat. He wouldn't look at anyone. He sat with his arms wrapped tightly around his body, as it got thinner and his face became still and without emotion. He cried out in his sleep. He screamed his way through nightmares with no one to comfort him. He shook uncontrollably as the massive amounts of drugs and alcohol he had been ingesting worked its way out of his body. He flinched back from any contact. He spat out his medication until they decided to hold him down and inject him and he listened to the voices buzzing in his head.

…………..

He lay under guard in a hospital bed. Everyone wanted to talk to him. Everyone needed information off him. He also withdrew. They did blood tests and found his system full of weird and wonderful toxins. Some of which thinned the blood. He wouldn't look at anyone. He refused to answer questions. He wouldn't respond to anything until Hotch came.

He stood and looked at the man who had torn his – his agent apart. He only had one question for him.

"Why?"

Flanders eyes moved and locked with Aarons…His mouth twitched slightly.

"Aaron. I wondered when you would arrive."

"Why did you do that to Reid?"

"Do what? I did nothing he didn't enjoy or ask for."

"You beat him."

"He deserved it. He broke the rules."

"You abused him."

"So did you. I could smell you on him. Smell your filth. Don't come here asking why when you already know."

Talking slowly and softly "You will never see him again. You are aware of that. This is the end."

Spitting back "And you lie so easily Aaron. You know this is far from the end. Go away you silly jealous old man."

……………

Hotch went to see Reid. He sat next to him, and Reid stared off into space.

"Spencer." No reaction. A careful hand reaching out and touching his shoulder.

Reid moved fast. He was on his feet backing away. "Don't – d d d don't – t t t don't t t t touch m m me!" and he was screaming. His eyes wide with panic.

"Reid its me….its Hotch." Walking slowly towards him.

"NO! g g g go away Aaron. Go away! Don't don't t t t touch me!" He was shaking and stumbling back in his fear and attempt to escape. Then hissing at him "He will know. He he he will KNOW!"

Hotch understood now what Reid was so irate over. "It's ok Spencer, he can't get to you now. You are safe."

Reid stood and looked at Hotch and bit his bottom lip, "Is he dead? Did you kill him? Is that why you are so sure?"

Aaron shook his head. "Nobody killed him Reid."

"Then – go – away! You don't – know any – any thing! You h h h have no idea!"

"Spencer, listen to me. He can't hurt you. You will never see him again."

"But but I n n n need him! I need him Aaron. I chose to be w w w with him." His back was against the wall of the facility he was staying in.

"He hurt you. He abused you. He drugged you and did god knows what else to you. You do not need him."

"I deserved it. I was a dirty whore. I am a filthy pervert freak. I needed that. I needed to learn."

"Spencer."

"No A a aaron….n n no. I know I I I am right. I know – I KNOW! I know what I am." Moving sideways along the wall…looking for a door….needing to escape.

"Spencer sit down and talk properly to me. Think…remember the time at the BAU…it hasn't always been like it is now. It can stop. We can make it stop."

"I I I d d don't want it – I don't want it to stop!" Tears escaping. He pulled up a chair and sat. "Stay over th there. I miss him! Aaron I miss him…I miss holding him…I miss him holding me. Do you understand? I need him. I don't want to look at people laying dead in puddles of blood. I don't want to go into homes and see them ripped apart by someone. I want to stop having nightmares. I don't want those memories."

"OK Reid, but he hurt you, you can't want that."

"I got what I deserved. I told you. I hurt him too Aaron."

Aaron wanted to go and hold his damaged person and comfort him but right now that was the last thing Reid wanted. The only thing or person – no thing which would comfort him now would be the one thing which would never happen. "Talk to me about him Reid."

Reid looked up puzzled. "Talk about him?"

"Tell me his good points. Tell me what drew you to him. Convince me it was your choice."

Reid just looked back down at his hands twisting in his lap "I I I shouldn't b b be talking – t t talking to you."

And he fell suddenly back into his silence.

………….

Flanders was looked at and poked and prodded by doctors and shrinks form all over the country. He was a curiosity. He was cannibalistic. They needed to know why…they needed to know what parts he ate, and when it all started. They wanted to open him up and look inside his brain. They wanted to test every bit of Flanders to see what made him tick.

Flanders refused to talk.

They sat him in front of doctors and asked question after question. Yes it was very clear he was insane. This it was thought brought on partly by upbringing. (they decided his back ground for him – broken home..abused blah blah) he didn't bother correcting them. No one ever got him right. He was waiting for someone to ask the right question. Or for the right person to talk to him. It was to Gideon he finally broke his silence to.

"Why Reid?" simple question, and one he had been waiting for.

"He interested me. He was different. He was clever. I had watched him for a long time."

"How is he different? What made you so obsessed with him?" Gentle voice.

"Jason, you know why he is different. That is why you chose him. That is why you tried to protect him. I love him. It is that simple. We don't choose who we fall in love with. You know that."

"But he doesn't love you, Flanders." Sad face.

"Yes he does. He came back to me. He calls out to me in his dreams. I can hear him. In here." tapping his forehead. "I know what he is doing. I know he has talked to Aaron. I know he didn't let him touch him. I know he has learned his lesson."

"You will never leave this building again Flanders. It is over. The two of you. It is over. Reid will never leave where he is either. You destroyed him. You took something beautiful and battered at it until you broke it. Like a spoiled child."

Gideon got up and walked away.

…………….

_Spence?_

Floyd!

_You ok?_

I am now.


	28. Chapter 28 Lesson3

Lesson3

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is not mine.

Reid understood now what he must do.

He must get better. There were no options. He had to recover what was left of him and show them he was OK. He had to prove that, yes he had been under the control of Flanders, and yes he had done stupid things, but now he was better.

This was a nice place. Reminded him of Bennington. HA! Yes it did. Funny that as he wasn't insane. No. No. Nothing wrong here!

He stood and looked out of the window. Hands pressed firmly against the glass. Watching the sky. Watching the trees. Watching nothing. Listening to those boyhood voices squabbling in the back of his mind. He wondered what time it was. He didn't have his watch on anymore. They took his watch from him. They took everything from him. They took his shoes. They took his clothes. He was wearing a blue/green robe and slippers. His hair hung over his face, his eyes were red rimmed from lack of sleep, and the darkness around his eyes was a huge contrast with the whiteness of his skin. Carefully shaven skin. Yes. They shaved him every morning. They didn't trust him with razors or electrical items. What did they think he would do? Play at MacGyver and escape out of the bathroom plug hole? They took his glasses, so everything was out of focus. How can he think when he can't even see? Was this the point? Was this the method they were going to us to keep him here?

He pressed his forehead against the glass. Think think think. Keep it under control.

"Dr Reid." He jumped at the sound of his name, and banged his head on the glass. He looked up to see who was reflected with him in the glass. The nurse. Oh joy of joys. Now what? He turned around and looked over her shoulder. "Someone here needs to talk to you. He needs to just sit and chat. Is that ok?"

Talking to him like he was an idiot. Another shrink. He needed to keep control. He needed to show them. Forced smile. "Yes! Show me the way." His voice a bit too excitable and manic. Calm down, calm down. It's going to be fine. Everything is fine. Heart beating too fast. He could feel the sweat of panic rising on his skin. He could smell the fear oozing out of his body and running down his back.

_Spence? _

Oh god.

_What's wrong?_

They will know. I can't do this.

_You can. Go in and talk to them. _

He was taken to a small comfortable room, where he sat in a big chair and stared at nothing. He tried to close his mind down to the horrors creeping around inside. He wanted to crack his knuckles and bite at his fingernails, but he had to stay calm. He had to show them.

His hands sat on his lap entwined and twisting.

A doctor walked in and sat in a big chair. Reid tried to look his way, but the effort was making him feel sick.

"Dr Reid."

"Uh hu." Twisting and twitching. Rocking and chewing on his bottom lip.

"Just really wanted to know how you are doing here."

"OH! I am doing great. Yes it's fantastic."

Looking down at notes. "Eating?"

Silence.

"Dr. Reid, are you eating alright."

"What have m m m my eating h h habits ggggot to d d do w w w w w …………." Voice trailed off

Damnit, now he couldn't even talk. Stay calm….stay calm…You are a profiler, you can do this. Deep breaths Spencer….You can do this.

"I am eating fine." Quick words, but all together. He watched as more notes were made. This wasn't going well.

"Can you tell me about your nightmares?"

"M m my n n n…………………..no"

_Pull yourself together Spence._

"I would like you to try." Watching Spencer's face.

"I I I no I I don't - I don't w w want to talk a a about th them." Good Spencer that was better. "I w w want t t to g g go. Go h home."

"You are still refusing your medication. Until you comply with the needs of the doctors here you will be staying. Things are very complicated Dr Reid, but I think someone will be coming to talk to you on those matters. But until you drop this front you are showing me and let me help you, I can see no option but to keep you here."

Reid nodded. "What d do you n need to know?" Good….very good ….now keep this up.

"I want to hear about the nightmares." Making notes.

"I I am with – with someone and and and we are joined. Joined by something alive. I know if it breaks we will – we will die. And there is someone chewing and biting and scratching at it! And we run, and this thing just hangs and it's biting through it." Reid stood up and started to pace the room. "And it's bleeding and things are falling from it. He he he is falling, he cant get up, and it is stretching and tearing, and I can feel it parting, and and he and he is he is going."

He turned and looked at the doctor in the eyes. "You happy !? Can can can I g g go now?"

"Who is the other person Dr Reid?"

"It it it's me." And he sat back down again. "It's me."

………….

The next few days passed Reid in a half drugged blur. He had decided that to keep them happy he would take his meds with no protest. He will bend to their rules, but only so they will let him out of this prison they called the 'facility'.

The nagging voices had gone quiet, and even Floyd was becoming less insistent on constant open communication. He was tired, and empty. He was sitting in a chair his head drooping forwards and his eyes fixed on the pattern on the carpet when he heard his name.

"Spencer?" It was Hotch.

He tried to look up but he was so weak that the effort of lifting his head was insurmountable. He twitched his fingers to let Aaron know he was listening.

He felt the rush of air as Aaron knelt down next to Reid's chair and fingers running through his hair and lifting his head carefully. "Spencer?"

"Aaron!" and a smile. "You came to see me." His moved his hand over the one Hotch had on the arm of the chair. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright Spencer. I just need you to get better. You were not too receptive to me last time." Squeezing Spencer's hand.

"I want to go home Aaron. They drug me; they are listening to me all the time. I can't escape from them. Aaron take me home. Please."

Was that a tear welling behind Hotch's eyes? Spencer watched, he looked deep into Aaron.

"Spencer, things aren't that easy. I need you to come with me. Some people want to talk to you about things. Its ok I will stay with you. You don't have to do this alone."

Hotch carefully helped a wobbly Reid from his chair and they made their way slowly over to the door. The door. Not an escape door. The door where all the questions were always fired at him. Questions he couldn't answer.

He sat again in a chair and looked across the room at two men in suits.

"Nice you could make it today Dr Reid." One of them said. "We are hoping you are awake enough to answer some questions."

Reid looked at Hotch and frowned.

"We need information on Flanders."

"Oh." Nervous hands in lap

"Where is he Dr Reid?"

"Pardon? How would I know? I am here. Locked away like some criminal."

"Dr Reid, you are some criminal. You harboured a dangerous man. You helped to subdue and restrain a federal agent. Cannibalism is still against the law Dr Reid. I don't care what Agent Hotchner has told you. When this." Indicating the room "Is over, when you are 'better' Dr Reid, you will be in prison for a long long time. So tell me. Where is Flanders?"

Cannibalism?

"I DON'T KNOW!" shouting and getting to his feet. "You lost him? How the hell?"

"Will he come for you Dr Reid?" The suit asked.

Reid turned to Hotch "He is free? Flanders is free? He is out there? How?"

"Spencer sit down. You are safe here. They just need to know if he has contacted you."

"NO! no no I wont sit, and no he he he he h h h h….no!"

Reid ran from the room and down the corridor to his private little rabbit hutch. He sat on the bed and put his head in his hands. Hotch and the doctor followed him quickly.

Hotch sat down next to him in a flash. "Spencer. He can't get you. You are safe." An arm over his shoulder. The doctor stood and observed from the doorway.

"Aaron. Please. Don't touch me. He will know. It's against the rules."

"Rules?"

"Please Aaron. Don't." And he pushed the hand away.

"Are they hurting you Spencer?" Worried look on Hotch's face.

"No….no…It's not them. Floyd, he will know you have been here. He will smell you on me. Go go now Aaron. Please. You are against the rules."

Hotch moved back away from Reid. "He still has control over you?"

"No…." a quiet whisper. "No Hotch. It's not control. We are part of the same Hotch. He can see into my soul. He can smell me on his skin."

The doctor standing in the doorway made some notes 'Psychosis still not under control. Up Fluphenazine levels by injection.' ……….

Two days later a letter arrived for Dr Spencer Reid.

The doctor passed the letter over to the man sitting slumped in the chair then took it back again. "I will read it to you Dr Reid. I don't think you will be able to manage that today. You appear a bit tired."

Reid didn't react. His eyes stayed unfocused looking at nothing. He wanted to respond.

He wanted to shout and scream and tell the man to go away, but his mind seemed to be locked.

'_Dear Spence,_

_I am going to set things up. Then I will be back. _

_Watch out for me._

_Love forever.'_

Still no reaction. Reid was screaming inside his head. He didn't even seem to be able to cry anymore.

Why were they doing this to him?

………..

Another familiar voice.

How much later? He didn't know.

"Hey Spencer." Gideon? "How has your day been?" Reid looked up at Jason with swollen red rimmed empty eyes.

"Help me." A gentle hand on his and a fatherly squeeze.

"I am here for you Spencer."

"They are drugging me. I can't think. I need to be able to think Jason."

"I know son, I know. I am sorting it. I will sort it for you. We need to get you back. We all miss you Spencer." A tear down Gideon's face.

"Hey Jason. It's going to be alright isn't it? They will let me go? I won't be here forever will I?" And a tear to match Gideon's. "Its real..it's always been real. You will tell them wont you? They are treating me for psychosis. I am not schizophrenic, I am not my mum Jason. Tell them!" The agitation the twisting and twisting of his hands. "I know what is real. I am not paranoid. I just………….."

Gideon pulled the broken man he thought of as a son to him and held him tight as the sobs wracked the thin body.

"It's going to be ok Spencer." Hot tears running down Jason's face.

…………………….

**AN: One more chapter on THIS. Then more if it is wanted as a new story. Probably. Unless I get carried away and write more than I intend. Again….thank you for sticking with this………..PaNicButtoN**


	29. Chapter 29 Final Lesson

Final Lesson

**A/N last chapter for now.**

Criminal Minds is not mine.

_Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.-- Mahatma Ghandi._

In the months that Reid had been in this place he had learned his final lesson. He did not have a mental illness. He had an illness of the soul. His spirit had been taken and devoured and spat out again. Over and over again.

He listened to advice from those voices right in the back of his head, and he waited for his man to return to him as he promised he would.

As Gideon promised he visited and sorted the medication out. At least now he felt he could function on basic levels. He recognised hunger. He knew when he was cold. He knew when he was thirsty. All good signs of a slow recovery, but it was a recovery.

Morgan came to visit. It was strained and uncomfortable. Derek hated what had become of his partner and friend. A jumpy paranoid young man, where Reid used to be. His stuttering and stammering had become so bad that he could hardly hold a conversation and on the times Reid had the urge to spout off some random facts, his mouth wouldn't let him. He wrote long letters to his mother, hiding the truth of what had happened to him, and fabricating a life he no longer had.

JJ came to visit and they sat and looked at each other, then she got out a book and started to read. Her voice was soft and calming and sent Reid to sleep, when he awoke she was gone, but he had a feeling that she had left a kiss behind on his forehead.

Prentiss sent a Get Well Soon card, and a short note attached.

_Reid,_

_Sorry you are not feeling yourself recently. _

_We all miss you._

_Get well soon_

Garcia came armed with Ben and Jerry's and a spoon with DSR engraved on the handle. He liked that. He wouldn't eat the ice cream though. He was sure he saw something moving in it. No..he didn't fancy the ice cream…..He put the spoon under his pillow.

Aaron came to see him, but Reid wouldn't talk to him. He asked in future that Agent Hotchner only be there on official business. He didn't want to break the rules. Hotch knew that. He would be ok with that. He was sure.

……….

Hotch sat with what was left of the team in the roundtable room.

"I know we didn't want this to happen, but the time has come, and a replacement for Reid has been found." He waited for reactions and got nothing but big staring eyes. "Agent Lewis will be joining the team as of tomorrow." A big sigh. Hotch suddenly turned and left the room, leaving the rest of the team just sitting looking at each other.

Gideon was gone, Reid was gone. Elle was gone. They all really thought they would get Reid back. But now Morgan wondered if they had ever really had him in the first place. His mind had started to slip from after the Georgia incident. They lost him the day JJ and Spencer went off to see Tobias. Derek tried to think back to happy times they had had together, but all he could see now was a broken man who never really fitted in. Damnit he wanted to kill that Flanders. How the hell had he just walked out of a high security state mental facility? How the hell did someone do that? And if he could, what the hell chance did they have against him unless they killed him?

What would Flanders death do to Reid?

A replacement! They could never replace Spencer. Morgan would never want to replace Spencer. He had never met Agent Lewis, but he disliked him already.

………….

Reid was standing as he did day after day. Listening to the quiet words in the back of his mind. They weren't too busy today, and were not giving him a headache. They seemed to be having a rest. He felt in his pocket and found the spoon Garcia had given him. He looked at the engraving DSR Doctor Spencer Reid. That was him…..that was who he was. He was not the man in room 18 he was Dr Spencer Reid. He needed to remember that. He had to remember.

_Hey._

The spoon tumbled from his fingers. That was loud. He hadn't had a voice shout at him like that for a long time now. Distant past. A fading memory.

_Spence?_

Oh.

_Oh? Is that all you have to say?_

Go away. You are too loud. Go away.

_Spence? What's wrong?_

Shaking hands swept over the floor and picked the spoon up. He looked at it and tried to concentrate on it. "Go away, you are not real." He muttered under his breath.

_I told you I would come back for you Spence._

"NO!" and his hands shot to his face. A nurse looked over to him. The spoon fell back to the floor again.

"Dr Reid? Are you alright?" she started to walk over to him fingers ready to press the emergency button.

_Talk to me Spence._

"NO! Go away!" She had seen this before with Reid. The sudden eye movements followed or accompanied by the hands flailing at nothing she pressed the emergency button as Reid jack-knifed backwards and started to seize. He guy didn't like taking his meds. The anti psychotics seemed to have the side effect of causing occasional seizures, but he refused to take the Phenobarbitol to counteract it so once again the orderlies were called and once the limbs had stopped jerking he was carried back to his room. The nurse saw the spoon laying on the floor and picked it up and placed it in her pocket.

…………

It was dark when Spencer awoke with a headache from hell and no memory of what had happened the day before. This was the one good thing about the seizures, they let him forget. Forgetting was a good thing sometimes. He was aware that he must have had a bad one this time because his muscles ached still and his tongue was chewed. Even his eyes hurt from the uncontrolled muscle spasms. He slowly sat up on the edge of the bed and put his head in his hands. He was still in the same blue/grey robe he always wore. His slippers were no where to be seen. He stood slowly and made for his door. Locked. They had locked him in. Locked in? Why would they lock him in? Shaking hands reached for the call button next to the door and he gave it a quick buzz to let them know he wanted out.

An orderly arrived and checked through the window, then obviously at the notice written on his door.

"L L Let me out." The man nodded and disappeared. "Let m m m me…….let me……OUT!" Reid was panicking. He didn't need this. He didn't need them messing with his head. Not today. Not now…Unlock the door…unlock the door. He could feel his heart thumping in his chest to loudly and too hard, he could feel his breaths short and shallow, and he could see the familiar greyness of oxygen starvation creeping around his eyes as he hammered on his door. Breath Reid Breath you are hyperventilating…breath. Slow down. It's ok…they lock everyone in at night. Stop panicking. It's probably the middle of the night.

The orderly returned and unlocked the door…he motioned Reid to stand back and entered the room…closing the door behind him. He put a pile of clothes on the bed.

"Get dressed." The man looked vaguely familiar, but he couldn't work out where from. Reid's mind was still foggy from the fit and from all the medications they hand pumped into him

"Do I know you?" he asked as he glanced over at the clothes.

"Just get dressed. Hurry up. We don't have all night."

Reid picked up the clothes. Jeans, and sweatshirt, and a pair of trainers. He quickly slipped them on and turned back to the orderly who had been watching.

"Where – where are – where…….."

"Quiet…follow me. Quickly." And he opened the door and started to walk down the corridor to the big barred security door at the end. The man opened the door and took Reid down another corridor and up to a fire exit. "Through there. Move it." And Reid was half dragged out towards a big SUV parked in the docking bay.

"What? Who are……….."

"Get in." and he opened the door and virtually stuffed Reid onto the back seat. Spencer just sat and stared as warm arms wrapped around him. The man ran to the drivers side, jumped in, and they were moving away.

"Heya Spence. Told you I would come back for you." And he ran his fingers slowly through Spencer's hair and looked into the deep empty eyes of his broken toy.

………………….

**END**

_Just a perfect day_

_Problems all left alone_

_Weekenders on our own_

_It's such fun._

_Just a perfect day,_

_You made me forget myself._

_I thought I was someone else._

_Someone good._

_-- Lou Reed and The Velvet Underground_

**A/N This journey will be continued as a new story.**


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